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The life of a porn addicted housewife.

Friday, April 29, 2005

This Pack Rat Needs A Vacation 

We have all together too much stuff!
As you know I am in the process of remodeling/refurbishing the house.
It seems that every day I am throwing away at least a full garbage bag of pure junk. Where did all of this stuff come from? Why do I have a giant box of stuffed animals? I can understand why I have kept some of them, like the mountain goat which is the first thing Ap0k ever gave me. I also understand the big Raggedy Ann and Andy. My grandmother made those for me when I was little. But the grunting pig? The dog? I have no idea why I kept those.
Clothes are another thing I can’t seem to let go of. I keep old nasty t-shirts thinking “I will wear these when I do messy work”, but I always wear good ones. A new one only costs $5 at WalMart, so why wear crap? Why can’t I throw the old ones away? I have pants that are too small in the hopes that one day I will fit into them again. Oh please, no matter what I eat or don’t eat I always weigh within 3 pounds of the same thing every day.
I did manage to toss out 2 full boxes of old computer parts. They were so outdated you couldn’t have built a good calculator with them. It’s pitiful that we keep stuff like that. I also tossed a whole bag of old pc software and game cds. I mean these things haven’t worked since Windows 95! Why did I even still have them?
My main problem now is that I keep buying new stuff, especially for the kitchen, and not tossing out the old. In my back room I have a new set of pans, new dishes, and a full set of new glasses, and a 40 piece set of Tupperware type bowls. I just keep telling myself that when all is said and done, my kitchen will be fully stocked.

I have a majority of the major drywall repair done now. The hallway is done except for the a/c door frame. The nook by the bathroom is complete. The wall that separates the kitchen from the living room is done. The wall around and above the hallway needs one more sanding at it will be done. Today I started working on the walls behind my desk. That means my desk is sitting in the middle of the living room floor. It wouldn’t be so bad except for the fact that I have a big corner desk. It’s taking up the whole room now.
The living room is L shaped and I am doing the big leg now. Once I get to the little leg it will go fast as there is very minor damage to those 3 walls. It’s amazing the beating that drywall takes in 50 years! The only real problem I will have with the little leg is that that area is Ap0k’s. He keeps all of his tools and car stuff there. It will take me longer to move all the stuff than to do any repair work! When all of the repairs are done I will yank down the drywall on the front wall because it needs totally replaced. We should be able to put up the new in one day. I have gotten to the point now where I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! I am thinking we may drop the ceiling too. Since the house was built so long ago we have no insulation. Of course it never gets cold enough here in the winter to worry about it, but it would be nice to have something blocking the heat from the sun in the summer.

Well if you are still awake after reading all of that, I applaud you!
I need to go on a vacation or something. But since Ap0k has to have surgery next month, I guess that won’t be happening anytime soon.
I just want to load everything up in the truck and start driving. Go wherever, do whatever.
One of these days……one of these days!

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Explain To Me This: 

There are a few things I have been wondering about. Maybe some of you can help me understand them.
Be aware there is neither rhyme nor reason to these questions!

1. Why do people care whether others are straight, gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, or asexual? How does it affect me if my neighbor is gay? What would make a gay person less of an effective politician? Why would a lesbian not make a good teacher? I can’t see what other people’s sexual preferences have to do with anything at all. One thing that really bugs me is those who say gay men should not be allowed to adopt children. With all of the crappy parents running around, and all of the children who need adopting, why would you deny a child parents who would love and take care of them just because they are gay?
2. Why does Winn-Dixie insist on putting the fudge in between the bread and the register? Everyone buys bread! There is no way to get bread without passing the fudge. It is a plot to make me fat!
3. Why do people continue to write computer viruses (virii??), trojans, and worms? To a point I can understand if the trojan transmits bank info etc., but what is the point of a virus that destroys people’s files? You don’t get to SEE it happen. You don’t even KNOW for sure if it did happen. What enjoyment do these people get out of destroying others computers? Would these same people put sugar in the gas tank of a stranger’s car? Would these same people sneak into a stranger’s house to take a knife and shred their clothes? In the end it is the same thing isn’t it?
4. Why are there so many people against the death penalty? If a person admits to a heinous crime why should we spare their lives? If a pedophile rapes and murders a child, who in their right mind would want to keep that person alive? If there is no doubt that a person is guilty of murdering another in cold blood, what good is that person to society? Please don’t give me the crap about rehabilitation either. Some people don’t even deserve the chance to be rehabilitated. And in the case of sexual predators, I don’t believe they CAN be rehabilitated fully.
5. Why is Scott Savol still on American Idol? I like the guy, but come on! Nadia and Jessica were much better than he is.

On a different note entirely, here are a few groaner type jokes that OnlyMe sent me. I thought were funny:

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A: The swallow.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

I told you they were groaners!

Ap0k's next surgery is scheduled for the 25th of next month. His right shoulder is almost totally healed. I can't wait for the next surgery and healing time to be over. He wants to go back to lifting sooooooo bad!

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Cheap Trick Says......"Surrender!" 

Cheap Trick was the first real band that I ever saw in concert. I have seen them a total of three times, and I would go see them again if given the chance.

I chose “Surrender” from the album Heaven Tonight released in 1978. The entire album is full of great songs. Make sure to check out the song “Auf Wiedersehen” in particular.

Cheap Trick was originally formed by guitarist Rick Nielsen and bassist Tom Petersson as Fuse. After a few crew and name changes the two ended up adding singer Robin Zander and drummer Bun E. Carlos, and the rest as they say, is history.

They released their first self-titled album in 1977. The record sold well in the US but did not chart. Japan was another story. The album went gold almost immediately there. Their second album also released in 1977 was pushed harder in the US and topped out at #73 on the charts, and again went gold in Japan. The group became superstars in Japan, selling out concert dates in 2 hours. They recorded one of their concerts in Japan and released it as their 4th album (after Heaven Tonight) and they finally got their break in the US. “Live At Budokan” stayed on the US charts for a year and topped out at #4. The song “I Want You To Want Me” from that album became Cheap Tricks first US Top 10 hit.

Tom Petersson left the group in 1980. He was replaced by both Pete Comita and Jon Brant. Tom returned to the group in 1988.

Cheap Trick has released a total of 23 albums as a group and there really isn’t a stinker in the bunch. The band members have also released a few solo projects and they have also contributed to movie and TV soundtracks. The most famous of the soundtracks would definitely be the theme song to “That 70’s Show” of course.

Cheap Trick is currently on tour by themselves and will also be touring with Alice Cooper beginning in August.

Early Cheap Trick

Cheap Trick earlier this year with the great Les Paul

Monday, April 25, 2005

Guilty Pleasures and Random Crap 

Everyone has their own personal “Guilty Pleasures.”
Here are some of mine:

1. Godiva Truffles – Little pieces of sex in a pretty gold box. Eating these are as close to an orgasm as you can get.
2. Old Navy – This store has some of the cutest and cheapest clothes around. Even though the clothes are cheap I always spend too much money.
3. Prince – Prince’s music and sex go hand in hand in my world.
4. Saving Face - Celebrity gossip at it’s finest!
5. Beef O’ Brady’s - The best chicken wings on the planet!
6. American Idol – I know it is a crap show, but I just can’t stop watching it.
7. A Night At The Roxbury - I am not usual much of a comedy fan, but this movie just kills me. I love Will Ferrel, but Chris Kattan kicks major butt in this movie.
8. And last but definitely not least; Watching Ap0k jack off! – My favorite thing in the world to do!!!! Enough said about that one!


Have you guys checked out all the new blogs I have linked over there on the left?
There are some real treats in there. Make sure to look at my roommate has a beard for a real laugh!

You know what sucks? When you know all kinds of gossip but can’t tell anyone! Family gossip, old workplace gossip, grrrrrr!

David Blaine annoys the hell out of me! Actually most magicians and illusionists annoy me. I don’t understand the fascination people have with them.

Michael Moore is offering 2-$2,500 scholarships to students who attend Cal State San Marcos. The scholarships will be awarded to students who “defy the administration.”
He is doing this because that particular school cancelled one of his talks last year.
First off I can’t stand Michael Moore. He’s another one of those people who seems to feel he knows what’s best for me. He’s wrong!
I am all for free speech etc, blah blah blah.
But, would YOU risk getting kicked out of school for a measly $2,500?

Someone on one of my forums has a song request. Does anyone know where I can find the song “(You Got Me) All Shook Up” by Nelson?

OK, enough yammering. It’s 1:30am and I am supposed to be up by 5:30am.
Guess I should try to sleep for a bit.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

A Recipe For SUCKsess 

Have you ever wondered how they get cum to stick to girl’s faces and bodies during photo shoots? Where Do they get it all?

It’s fake cum of course!
Now the question is, do you know how to MAKE fake cum?
Well of course I wouldn’t have brought this up if I didn’t have the recipe.

Cum Recipe:

- sweetened condensed milk
- egg white
- sugar (optional, see below)

PLEASE NOTE: Sugar in vaginas lends to
instant yeast infections, and it could
cause problems if inserted into the anus.
Some have found that diluted plain yogurt,
with a pH balance that more closely
resembles that of the body, is less
irritating. As always, use caution with
these and any other cum recipes, and
discontinue use if any irritation should occur.

If you want to have that bubbly look just swish a tiny bit of toothpaste around in your mouth for a second, then let it dribble.

There, and you thought reading this was going to be a waste of your time!

(thanks to phuk for this particular recipe)

Bad Scheduling 

My schedule has gotten so screwed up.
I go to bed at around 8-9pm, but then get back up at 2-3am.
I go back to bed around 9-10am, then get back up around 11am-12pm.
The good thing about this schedule is that I get to see Ap0k more. I never saw him in the morning, and he goes to bed so damn early that I was only seeing him maybe 2 hours a day. With this schedule I see him an additional 2 hours in the morning.
The BAD thing about this schedule is that I am always tired. And I mean ALWAYS.
Another bad thing is that I am supposed to be working on the walls, but I sleep through the first part of the day, then in the afternoon when I am really into it, Ap0k calls and I have to stop and clean everything up so that I can cook. I am really making no real progress. I wouldn’t mind working on them at about 4am, but it makes so much noise and dust when I am sanding that it would wake him up.
Ugh, a no win situation!
Maybe I should start taking vitamins or something so I can stay awake after he leaves for work in the mornings?

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Run To The Hills.....Run For Your Life 

Today is Metal Day!
And just who is the greatest metal band ever?
Well in my opinion that would most definitely be Iron Maiden!

The song I feel most represents my appreciation of Iron Maiden would have to be “Run To The Hills” which was released in March of 1982 on the album The Number Of The Beast. The song, written by bassist Steve Harris, tells the story of the Indian Wars in America’s old west. The various verses of the song represent the views of both the Indians and the white men.
The drum beat of the song, meant to represent hoof beats, is my favorite of any song I have ever heard.
Steve Harris’ bass playing is second only to Leon Wilkeson of Lynyrd Skynryd. His speed is absolutely amazing. Not to mention he was, and still is, the second best looking guy on the planet. I loved him so much that I dyed my hair like his for my wedding! How sick is that? Borderline stalker!

The other songs on the album, such as “The Number Of The Beast” and “The Prisoner” are equally as good as “Run To The Hills”. I can’t imagine anyone my age not knowing these songs, but if you haven’t heard them then please give this album a shot. If you are a fan of metal you will love this one!

I thought about writing a biography of the group, but This Page does a much better job than I ever could. The only thing I can add to it is that Bruce Dickinson and Nicko Smith rejoined the group in 1999 for a tour and the new album Brave New World (released in 2000).

I was lucky enough to see Iron Maiden in concert in either 1983 or 1984. With what I was doing at the time it’s amazing I even remember it at all! Shame on me. People, drugs are BAD for you!

Here is Iron Maiden circa 1983

And here they are last year

And just to show that in the end everyone grows up, here is Bruce Dickinson, certified pilot!

***Please Note:
Due to storage issues I have had to reduce the sound quality of the mp3s a little. I will try to keep them as high quality as possible while allowing for file size.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Slap These People 

The following people need to be slapped upside the head really hard:

1. The person who invented Fruity Pebbles. Those sweet little flakes of fruity goodness keep calling my name. I want them for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert. And they are all my favorite colors too.
2. Movie “Re-Makers”. There are far too many movies being remade these days that really shouldn’t be. Herbie has been done to death. Do we really need another Amityville? And don’t get me started on these movie remakes of old tired TV shows. Starsky and Hutch, please how stupid can you get? Now we get to watch a lame remake of Miami Vice. And for the love of God please someone tell me WHY they are remaking Dallas into a movie? What’s really sad, and I know this is why a lot of movies are remade, is that so many younger people don’t even know that they are watching remakes. It kills my daughter and my little sister when I point out that the movie they want to see is another remake. I tell them that they are the cause of the decline in movie writing quality.
3. Bubblegum Pop singers. I know, I know, there is a market for this type of music. 10-14 year old girls have to be able to spend their allowances on something.
4. Email spammers and phishers. If I want to visit a porn site I can find one faster than I can read your email. My bank doesn’t even have my email address. My ebay account is not listed under my yahoo email. And no, I will not help you transfer money to this country because I am the only surviving relative. Are people really stupid enough to fall for this crap? Sadly yes they are. What a shame.
5. Romance novelists. What a sheer waste of paper. I can’t fathom liking books like this. Most are nothing more than softcore porn, written for women who need a little spice in their life. Again, I know there is a market for this, but women, wake up, this is trash!
6. Men who wear make-up. Men, eyeliner in NOT for you! On AI tonight Constantine had on more eyeliner than 10 women put together would. I understand the whole base makeup to make you look better on TV thing, but when they go into heavy eyeliner, and heavy lipstick, well that is just gross. I am not only speaking of men on TV, I am also meaning your everyday guy too. I saw a guy at WalMart the other day that had more makeup on than a 70 year old grandma. It was hysterical. I even saw another guy stop dead in his tracks and laugh right out loud at him, which of course made me laugh too. I felt bad for laughing at the guy, but hey, if you leave the house like that, then you take your chances.
7. While on the topic of makeup, I will add women who wear more makeup than a clown. What are you trying to hide? When I see a woman with three inches of caked, cracking making it just makes my stomach turn. Don’t you realize how silly you look? Don’t you realize that you would look so much nicer with less, or maybe even no, makeup on? You probably don’t.
8. Michael Jackson. The more I hear, the more I detest you! I hope they put you in general population. Not that that will ever happen, but it sure is a great thought.
9. The makers of the roll-over ads on Yahoo. If I had contemplated clicking on your ad I would immediately change my mind when I try to get to the scroll bar and when I slide by your ad it covers up most of the page. The closest thing to pop-ups going. I hate them! I will never have anything to do with Treo just because your ads piss me off so bad! They are on the side of almost every story today and you can’t get to the scroll bar without rolling over them. GRRRRR!!!!!!!
10. Me. Because I just wasted your time with this drivle.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Sex Is Messy 

I am a huge fan of pornography. I have no trouble with most forms of pornography.
One thing about porn that makes me go “hmmmm” is the unreality of it.

Pornography tends to show women all dolled up to perfection. The actresses tend to have perfect hair, perfect clothes (lingerie), and most of all, perfect positions. The only muss is the ending cum-shot which is usually a facial.

In reality sex is messy, very messy.

When I have sex I very rarely start out with any form of lingerie except for underwear and that doesn’t stay on long.
I don’t think I have ever had sex with shoes on unless it was a “bend over-quickie”. I know I have never had sex with stilettos on since I have never worn a pair in my life.
I have very long hair and it always ends up in a terrible wad. It’s hard to give a real blowjob with long hair because it wraps around my face and gets tangled around his dick. I am constantly pulling it back behind my head.
Except for the more extreme movies, the actresses never sweat. Real women sweat sometimes! When you are in a tangle of blankets it can get mighty hot. When you are stuck under a guy and your head is crammed up against the pillows no air gets to you and guess what, you sweat.
The positions in movies are a bit unrealistic too. Most movies involve the basic 5 positions. Blowjob, guy on top of girl, girl on top of guy (facing away from guy towards camera), doggy style, blowjob-facial. In reality I have been twisted into every pretzel shape known to man. I’ve fallen off the bed, I’ve whacked my head countless times on the wall, I’ve thrown my back out, I’ve ended up with bite marks and bruises, and I’ve even sworn I have ripped muscles in my legs.
The most unrealistic thing about porn movies are the cum shots. 90% of porn movies end in blowjobs with the guy finishing by jacking off on the girls face. In reality cum goes everywhere. Sheets need changed, walls need inspected and sometimes wiped down. It is almost always in my hair and my belly button.

I understand that porn is not meant to be realistic. It is meant to be an escape to perfection.
Personally I prefer sex messy! When I end up sweaty, sore, and have cum in my hair, well then I know I’ve had a good time!
And before anyone says anything stupid, I have only had sex with one person in the last 20 years. My husband. Thank god he’s good at it!

Monday, April 18, 2005

Too Many Cats! 

Saturday night one of my cats (Tiggy) had 4 babies. They are painfully cute.
Now today one of my other cats (Jiggy) had 5 babies herself!
I can understand how Tiggy got pregnant, but Jiggy never goes outside and when she is in heat I make the male cats stay outside.
Is it possible to get pregnant through a window?

I have to get rid of some of these cats. They are taking over my house!

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Cats and Vaccuums 

Is there anything more exciting than waiting for drywall patch to dry?
If there is, I haven’t found it!
Yes, that WAS sarcasm.

I am making pretty good progress I guess. It just takes so long to wait for each coat to dry. There doesn’t seem to be enough air moving around in here to speed up the drying. I thought about setting up fans, but if it dries too fast it tends to crack.
I bought a shop-vac to clean up the dust from sanding. My old vacuum just couldn’t do the job. After about 2 minutes of use I realized that shop-vacs are the greatest vacuums ever made. I may never use anything else! It cleans both the hard floors and the carpets in a snap. In fact it tries to suck the carpets right off the floor! If you have cats you must go buy one. I have never had a vacuum that picked up cat hair so easily.
They have an attachment pack for it that contains small pieces for computers and car interiors. The suction is so strong that I am afraid it would suck the keys right off the keyboard though.

Does anyone need a cat? As you know I have a zillion of them and now two of them are pregnant. Someone please come take them!! It’s hard for me to take them to the pound because I am so afraid they will be put down. I couldn’t live with myself if they did that.
You can’t have Tippy though. Tippy was born “under-cooked” and it took a lot of care from us (mostly Ap0k) to keep him alive. He’s a big boy now but he is still small. He is also a bit “special” if you know what I mean. I have never had a cat that was so interested in what people do. Sometimes he hangs from my side to watch me wash dishes. He always assists in whatever chore you are doing. Most cats freak when you turn on the vacuum, but Tippy prefers to ride on it. We can’t let him outside because he isn’t afraid of anything and I just know he would get run over by a car.

Used Bathing Suits And Snot 

Ap0k and I went to dinner with our daughter and her boyfriend tonight. We went for sushi which is our favorite. Daughter’s boyfriend had never had sushi before but he gave it a shot. Actually for his first time he did quite well. He ate mostly cooked stuff, but he did nibble a bit of raw too.
I don’t really know the kid (kid? He’s 24!) much, but he seems nice enough. Daughter seems happy with him so I guess that is what matters. I just wish they lived closer.

After dinner Ap0k and I tried to go buy a television. Impulse shopping at it’s best, but we figured that since the store shares a parking lot with Circuit City…..why not! Circuit City closes at 10pm and we got there right at 9:30pm. As we were looking at the TVs the stupid sales guy started walking around turning them all off! How rude was that? Of course we immediately started to leave and Ap0k said “Well I guess I won’t by a TV tonight” while he was standing right next to the sales guy. You know what sales guy said? “Sorry.” What an ass!
We will definitely NOT be buying our new TV at Circuit City!!!

Someone I know (no names) wanted to go buy a bathing suit today. No big deal, except for the fact that she wanted to go to the resale shop to buy it. EWWWWW!!!! That’s like wearing someone’s used underwear. Gross gross gross! The person she was going with was going to try to talk her out of it. I hope she succeeded.

I found out today that two people I know have started dating. Well, the girl thinks they are dating. They guy is just after some ass. If she knew how he talks about her behind her back she would just die. I won’t be the one to tell her though. The whole “kill the messenger” would come into play.

Why do people blow their noses in restaurants? That is so disgusting! People; please remember that there is a bathroom in every restaurant. If you must blow your nose please go to the bathroom or go outside. There is nothing grosser than putting a forkful of food in your mouth right as someone starts honking up snot. Mmmm, tasty!

Thursday, April 14, 2005

What Would You Choose? 

Thanks to THL for giving me something nifty to write about today!
She posted a list of literary related questions and stated that we were supposed to use them also.


Q: “You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book do you want to be saved?”
A: This one was kind of tough, but in the end I went with Dashiell Hammett : Complete Novels. I guess in all honesty this was kind of a cheat answer because it is multiple novels, but since they are bound into one cover I will go with it. It is a single book that contains 5 of the greatest noir detective novels ever written including “The Maltese Falcon” and “The Thin Man”. The 5 novels were written between 1929 and 1934 and set the stage for future “hardboiled detective/crime” authors. I consider all 5 novels to be must reads. While I am sure most of you have seen movie “The Maltese Falcon” starring Humphrey Bogart (or at least I hope you have since it is one of the greatest movies of all time!), make sure to read the book because even though the movie is a classic, the book is far superior.

Q: Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?
A: The answer to this question depends on what age I was at the time. When I was 8-12 years old I thought Nancy Drew was just the coolest girl on the planet. I wanted to be her or be with her, either one would have made me happy.
When I got a little older I fell completely in love with Travis Mcgee. Travis was the “hero” of 25 of John D. MacDonald’s novels. JDM was another noir crime author, this time based mainly in Florida. Travis was a rogue who lived on a houseboat and managed to fall into the most detectivey type situations.
Now I am infatuated with “Serge” the antihero of Tim Dorsey’s series of novels. Serge is a complete psycho, but there is just something so real about him.

Q: The last book you purchased?
A: This is another multi-answer because, as I mentioned a few days ago, I went all out on my last book store trip.
I bought 2 books by Martha Grimes (The Winds Of Change and Foul Matter), 2 books by Robert Parker (Cold Service and Bad Business), 2 books by Jane Haddam (Conspiracy Theory and Somebody Else’s Music), 1 book by Tim Dorsey (Torpedo Juice), and finally 1 book by Andrew Vachss (Blue Belle).

Q: What are you currently reading?
A: ”Torpedo Juice” by Tim Dorsey.

Q: Five books you would take to a deserted island?
A: Another toughie!
Of course I would take Dashiell Hammett : Complete Novels, 5 for the price of one!
Next I would take ”S*E*V*E*N”, ”The Good Old Stuff”, ”More Good Old Stuff”, and ”End Of The Tiger And Other Stories”. All of these are short story collections written by John D. MacDonald.
Finally I chose ”Raymond Chandler : Stories and Early Novels : Pulp Stories / The Big Sleep / Farewell, My Lovely / The High Window “. This is another collection of novels bound up together so it counts as one book in my opinion.
If I had had one more choice I would have chosen the second edition of the Raymond Chandler collections “Later Novels”


I guess you can probably see a theme to my book choices. I am such a creature of habit!
I’ve tried reading other types of books, and while I can get into some, most other genres just leave me feeling empty.
I wish you could see my collection. Ap0k really is a saint to let me keep all of these books!

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

At A Loss For Words 

I am having more and more problems writing this blog.
I can’t write about work because I quit my job.
If I write about software cracks etc. my husband isn’t happy, which is why one of yesterdays posts is gone.
I definitely can’t write about my sex life because my husband would kill me deader than dead can die.
No one wants to hear about my trips to WalMart or the grocery store.
The fact that I had to take Ap0k his phone today because he forgot it really isn’t all that interesting.
I can only talk about porn so much or it becomes boring.

So, my question is, what on earth should I write about?

Monday, April 11, 2005

The Royal Wedding 

I just finished watching the replay of the Royal Wedding on BBCA.
It was beautiful!
Prince Charles looked the epitome of dapper. Camilla looked fabulous.
The Queen was looking very good, and Charles’ sons were gorgeous as usual.
Camilla looked overwhelmed at times. Remembering back to my own wedding I can, to a point, understand how she felt. While I didn’t marry royalty, I did marry a real prince!
I am glad that Charles and Camilla finally put aside the whole “scandal” aspect and married. They seem a perfect match to me.

Saturday, April 09, 2005


I have roadblock of the mind and it’s all due to Mah Jong Quest.
I downloaded the full version of the game yesterday morning and I have been playing it ever since. Normally Mah Jong is bad enough as is, but now they’ve gone and made it more interesting. Some dragons come and burn everything to a crisp. Your mission is to build everything back up using the ancient magic tiles. There are several new tiles too. You can get the sample from Yahoo, but I recommend getting the full version if you can find it.

Somehow I am supposed to teach my nephew all of 6th grade math today. This should be interesting considering math and I do NOT get along.

I am not sure how, but I managed to pull a muscle in my back while I was asleep. It woke me up at 4:30am like someone stabbing me with a railroad spike. I’m sitting here at my desk right now looking like The Hunchback Of Notre Dame. Every time I take a breath it stabs me again. I am not happy! I just know Ap0k is going to laugh at me when he wakes up. Oh well, I guess I would laugh at him if he did it too.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Me And Ap0k 

I totally stole this from THL.

This is exactly how I would look if I lived in South Park.

My normal clothes, my normal hair, my normal meal.

Aren't I cute!

Here is Ap0k...the likeness is uncanny!

Make your own Here.


I've finally found something I am good at!
I can take 50 year old crappy drywall and make it as smooth as a baby's butt.
Granted it takes me forever, and the house is now covered (and I do mean covered!) in drywall patch dust. But darn it, it looks GOOD!
Maybe not the most exciting talent in the world, but I am happy about it.

I'll probably die ten forms of death from lead poisoning or something because these walls must have ten layers of paint on them. OK...that was an exaggeration there is only 3 layers.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Talk Dirty To Me - *NSFW* 

You can tell my mood lately just by listening to the song I chose for today.

Before you scroll down any further...there is a naked picture down there!

“Talk Dirty To Me” was released by Poison in 1986 on the album Look What The Cat Dragged In.
Who doesn’t love Poison? They are one of the quintessential 80’s hair bands. A combination of talent, heart, and humor. Plus A LOT of hairspray!

Poison came together in 1984 with singer Bret Michaels, bassist Bobby Dall, and drummer Rikki Rocket. Soon after they picked up guitarist C.C. Deville. In 1986 they released their first album “Look What The Cat Dragged In” which ended up giving them 3 top ten hits and sold over two million copies in it’s first year.
In 1988 they released the album “Open Up And Say…Ahhh!” which was also a great success. It had the songs “Nothin' But A Good Time” and “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn” which are still played on the radio continuously.
1990 brought the album “Flesh and Blood”. “Something To Believe In” is still one of my favorite songs.
Next came “Swallow This – Live” which was a live double album set.

After “Swallow This – Live” the band fired guitarist C.C Deville due to his increasing drug problem. They replaced him with Richie Kotzen and came out with the album “Native Tongue.” This would prove to be their first commercial disappointment. They promptly fired Richie Kotzen and hired Blues Saraceno as their new guitarist.

They recorded their fifth studio album “Crack A Smile” but shelved it to release a greatest hits album.

Saraceno left the group and in 1996 C.C. Deville returned. They had a very successful tour in 1999 and finally released “Crack A Smile” in 2000.
They attempted another tour, but bassist Bobby Dall suffered a major back injury that forced them to cancel. Dall had surgery on his back and was out of commission for over six months.

In 2002 Poison released the album “Hollyweird” and went on tour again.

As some of you will remember, Bret Michaels dated Pam Anderson for awhile. Of course there was a sex tape involved! It was never as popular as the Pam and Tommy video because at the time it was not as easy to download porn off the internet as it is today. Plus the fact that while Bret is a great looking guy, he just doesn’t “measure up” to Tommy.

In The Beginning


Bret and Pam

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Me And Money - Soon To Be Parted 

I spent way too much money today!
What started out as a trip to exchange a lawn mower blade ended up costing almost $200.

First stop, Home Depot, where I wanted to exchange a 22” lawn mower blade for a 21” blade. They gave me my money back in what has to be record time, but unfortunately didn’t have the correct blade that I wanted. That meant I would have to go to Sears. Drat.

Of course Barnes & Noble just happens to be in the mall parking lot and while I am usually good about only going where I am aiming, today I caved. Barnes & Noble was calling my name loud and clear. I remembered that ogri had recommended I read something by Andrew Vachss so I figured I would pop in, grab a book, and pop right out. I wasn’t ten steps in the door and I already had two books, neither of which is what I went in for. In the end I ended up getting 2 books by Martha Grimes (The Winds Of Change and Foul Matter), 2 books by Robert Parker (Cold Service and Bad Business), 2 books by Jane Haddam (Conspiracy Theory and Somebody Else’s Music), 1 book by Tim Dorsey (Torpedo Juice), and finally 1 book by Andrew Vachss (Blue Belle).
I hadn’t realized that some of my favorite authors had been so prolific lately. Thank goodness I had my membership card with me. It saved me $13 dollars because I get 10% off of anything in the store.

Next stop was Sears where I knew they would have the lawn mower blade I wanted because that is where we bought the lawn mower in the first place. Now the problem was, which 21” blade did I want. Why is one skinnier than the other when both packages say exactly the same thing? Why are there no sales associates around when you need them? When I am just looking around they hound me to death, but the one time I need someone there is no one to be found. I finally decided on the wider blade because in my world bigger IS always better!

All Ap0k had requested while I was out was a synthetic chamois. Synthetic? Why synthetic I wonder? Oh well, that’s what he wanted so that’s what he got. It involved a trip to the auto parts store though. While I was there one of the male clerks was in the middle of throwing a tantrum because some guy had asked him if he would check his oil. The clerk just kept saying “I’m not a mechanic, check your own oil!” Sadly the guy didn’t KNOW how to check his own oil. He ended up leaving to go look for a gas station. I have to admit that my respect for a guy does tend to go down if I find out he can’t even check his own oil. I think it’s because Ap0k could build an entire car out of tin foil and chewing gum in the middle of the night with his eyes closed. No offence to any of you guys who can’t check your oil, but come on, it’s only reading a dip stick!

Now we were hungry! Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that my little sister went along. We ended up at a buffet joint not far from the house. We ate like pigs and then rolled ourselves out to the truck. I am such a sucker for a buffet!

When I got home of course I had to take a nap.
Ahhhhhh, the life of a housewife. So much to do, so little time to do it.

I Love Al Gore! 

Downloaded perfect copies of Robots, Sin City, and Ass Obsessed 3 tonight.
The internet is quite possibly the coolest thing ever!

Monday, April 04, 2005

Dead People, Snow, And An Explosion 

What do you remember about your childhood?

Here are a few things that I always remember:

1. I got my first real kiss when I was 12. He was a sweet boy, so sweet he even carved our initials in a tree. I was terrified that my dad would find out because the boy was black. I lived in a little town and such things were just not done!
2. When I was around 10 we had a very bad rainy season. The river across the road overflowed its banks and totally flooded the park down the road. We took canoes out and paddled all over. There is nothing cooler than canoeing around a baseball field.
3. There was a big old creepy cemetery 3 blocks from my house. We were all told by all of the parents to stay out of it! Of course we did not listen. It was fun to go in there when it was just getting dark. We all swore that the mausoleum doors were creaking open. And that the dead people were going to get us. Kids are so silly.
4. When I was in elementary school we had fish fries every year. My dad was one of the fish “cooks.” I always got stuck wrapping the plastic silverware in napkins and then rubberbanding them all up. Woo-Hoo, what fun! The fish fries themselves were fun though. I think about that every time I smell fish frying.
5. Friday was always Pizza Day at school. My elementary school was across the street and uphill from the high school. Our lunches were called “satellite lunches” which was a cool name for “leftovers.” Yep, they packaged up the high schools leftovers and wheeled them on a cart up the hill for us to eat the following day. Yummy!
6. The house I lived in when I was little had a very big basement. My dad was in a band and they would practice down there all of the time. I would go to sleep laying at the top of the stairs listening to them. Once my dad and his friends built a big old motorcycle in the basement. When it was all done they couldn’t get it up the stairs. Picture several big biker type guys scratching their heads trying to figure out how they were going to get it outside. I can still see my mother standing there laughing her ass off at them.
7. My mother worked in a liquor store when I was in middle school. After school some friends and I would always go to there and steal tiny bottles of peppermint schnapps. They had to know that they were disappearing, but no one ever said a word to us.
8. In 1977-78 northern Indiana suffered through some horrific snow storms. The wind chill factor one day was actually 84 degrees BELOW zero! Talk about cold! After one freak snow storm that locked the town up completely my dad and several other men that lived on our street dug a trench through the snow right down the middle of the street so we could get to the grocery store. The storm had hit so hard and so fast that the people working at the store were snowed in there. All of the moms trudged down the trench and bought the store out of everything they could get their hands on. It was at least a week before the snow plows made it to our street. People lost electric and heat and were actually dying in their houses and no one could get to them. Luckily we had fireplaces on both the main floor and in the basement. After that year we moved to Texas and then to Florida. My dad said he would never again in his life live where it snows. Can’t say that I blame him.
9. I had a friend who’s dad was a mortician. The mortuary was in a big house and the girl and her dad lived on the top floor. Needless to say sleepovers at her house where mega scary! She was terrified of the dead people so her life must have been a living hell. Poor girl. I wonder what ever happened to her?
10. When I was in the 5th grade I got into some poison ivy. The whole side of my head was swollen up like I had elephantitis. Of course I couldn’t go to school like that! My mother though, bless her heart, actually made me go in to the school with her to pick up my school work. I wanted to die on the spot.
11. Probably the scariest thing I remember was when the aerosol plant blew up. I think it was called agrapak or something like that. I was in the 4th grade at the time. We were in class and the when the plant blew up the whole school shook like someone had kicked it. Scared all of the kids AND the teachers senseless. The plant was only a short distance away so of course all of the stay at home moms was sure it was the school that had exploded. Moms came running from everywhere, and I do mean running because at that time most moms didn’t have their own cars. It was chaos!

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Sin City - A 100% Must See Movie 

Sin City has just placed itself in my list of the top five movies of all time.

Based on the Sin City comic book series by Frank Miller, Sin City (the movie) is not only the best comic book adaptation to date, it is also the best reworking of the old pulp detective novels that you all know I love so much.

Sin City tells the tales of several people including Marv (Mickey Rourke), a larger than life and uglier than sin tough guy who has to find out who killed his beloved Goldie, Dwight (Clive Owen) who has to help the prostitutes of Old Town when a police officer is killed, and John Hartigan (Bruce Willis) a tough old cop who has to save a little girl from certain death.
Keep an eye out for Elijah Wood who plays Kevin. You will never again look at him as just a sweet little actor after watching him in this movie!
Jessica Alba and Britney Murphy, who I usually frown on, are both particularly good in this movie.
And of course Powers Boothe is his usual smarmy self.

Filmed in black and white with surprising bursts of color, this movie is a complete eye feast. Lots of blood and gore that in color would be unwatchable, but filmed in this style it looks simply amazing.

I was happy that the movie was written and directed by Frank Miller because he was able to keep true to his vision.
Quentin Tarentino guests directs the part with Clive Owen and Benicio Del Toro when they are in the car. The talking pez dispenser is pretty dang funny if you ask me!

I have read mounds and mounds of pulp detective novels in my time and I have to say that I have never seen a movie come anywhere near as close to getting it right as this one does. The dialog is dead on perfect, the scenery is just right, and the action couldn't get any more correct. I am hardcore when it comes to judging this genre of film and I give this one the highest rating possible.

And in case any of you are thinking about taking your kids to see it because it is based on a comic book, DON'T!
This is definitely NOT a movie for kids! Lots of violence, some boobs, lots of butts.

I HIGHLY recommend this movie to anyone who wants to see something different. Something better. Something actually worth sitting down for two hours for.

I wrote this at 3am so please forgive any bad grammar. I just had to let you all know about this movie as soon as possible!

Friday, April 01, 2005

My Living Will - By Robert Friedman 

Subject: Living Will is the Best Revenge by Robert Friedman

St. Petersburg, FL Times Deputy Editor of Editorials

Like many of you, I have been compelled by recent events to prepare a more detailed advance directive dealing with end-of-life issues.

Here's what mine says:

* In the event I lapse into a persistent vegetative state, I want medical authorities to resort to extraordinary means to prolong my hellish semi existence. Fifteen years wouldn't be long enough for me.

* I want my wife and my parents to compound their misery by engaging in a bitter and protracted feud that depletes their emotions and their bank accounts.

* I want my wife to ruin the rest of her life by maintaining an interminable vigil at my bedside. I'd be really jealous if she waited less than a decade to start dating again or otherwise rebuilding a
semblance of a normal life.

* I want my case to be turned into a circus by losers and crackpots from around the country who hope to bring meaning to their empty lives by investing the same transient emotion in me that they once reserved for Laci Peterson, Chandra Levy and that little girl who got stuck in a well.

* I want those crackpots to spread vicious lies about my wife.

* I want to be placed in a hospice where protesters can gather to bring further grief and disruption to the lives of dozens of dying patients and families whose stories are sadder than my own.

* I want the people who attach themselves to my case because of their deep devotion to the sanctity of life to make death threats against any judges, elected officials or health care professionals who
disagree with them.

* I want the medical geniuses and philosopher kings who populate the Florida Legislature to ignore me for more than a decade and then turn my case into a forum for weeks of politically calculated bloviation.

* I want total strangers - oily politicians, maudlin news anchors, ersatz friars and all other hangers-on - to start calling me "Bobby," as if they had known me since childhood.

* I'm not insisting on this as part of my directive, but it would be nice if Congress passed a "Bobby's Law" that applied only to me and ignored the medical needs of tens of millions of other Americans without adequate health coverage.

* Even if the "Bobby's Law" idea doesn't work out, I want Congress - especially all those self-described conservatives who claim to believe in "less government and more freedom" - to trample on the decisions of doctors, judges and other experts who actually know something about my case. And I want members of Congress to launch into an extended debate that gives them another excuse to avoid pesky issues such as national security and the economy.

* In particular, I want House Majority Leader Tom DeLay to use my case as an opportunity to divert the country's attention from the mounting political and legal troubles stemming from his slimy misbehavior.

* And I want Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist to make a mockery of his Harvard medical degree by misrepresenting the details of my case in ways that might give a boost to his 2008 presidential campaign.

* I want Frist and the rest of the world to judge my medical condition on the basis of a snippet of dated and demeaning videotape that should have remained private.

* Because I think I would retain my sense of humor even in a persistent vegetative state, I'd want President Bush - the same guy who publicly mocked Karla Faye Tucker when signing off on her death warrant as governor of Texas - to claim he was intervening in my case because it is always best "to err on the side of life."

* I want the state Department of Children and Families to step in at the last moment to take responsibility for my well-being, because nothing bad could ever happen to anyone under DCF's care.

* And because Gov. Jeb Bush is the smartest and most righteous human being on the face of the Earth, I want any and all of the aforementioned directives to be disregarded if the governor happens to disagree with them. If he says he knows what's best for me, I won't be in any position to argue.

---------Thanks to YeahBaby for pointing this article out!-----------

Beat Boxin' And Inspector Gadget 

What could be better on a Friday morning than a good dose of Slick Rick and Doug E. Fresh? In my opinion, nothing!

Slick Rick and Doug E. Fresh collaborate on the song “The Show” from Slick Rick’s album The Art Of Storytelling released on Def Jam Records in May of 1999. The song was originally released by Doug E. Fresh And The Get Fresh Crew in 1985. One of the members of The Get Fresh Crew was MC Ricky D who later changed his name to Slick Rick.

Doug E. Fresh (Doug E. Davis) is considered to be the first human beat box in rap. Some still consider him to be one of, if not the, best today.
Doug E. got his start in 1983 with Spoonie Gee and DJ Spivey on the single “Pass The Budda”. His second album “The Worlds Greatest Entertainer” broke him onto the billboard charts. Slick Rick went his own way and became even more popular. Doug E. Fresh was never able to keep up with his momentum so he ended up re-collaborating with Slick Rick.

Slick Rick (Ricky Waters) was born in London England to Jamaican parents. He was blinded in one eye by broken glass when he was a baby and so the eye patch he wears is more than just a prop. His family brought him to the United States in the late 70’s. Unfortunately he never got his US citizenship.
After leaving The Get Fresh Crew, Slick Rick released his debut solo album “The Great Adventures Of Slick Rick” in 1988.
In 1990 Slick Rick was arrested for attempted murder after shooting at his cousin and then leading the police on a high speed chase (stupid move!) Before he was sentenced he threw a bunch of songs together and released the album “The Ruler’s Back” which sold miserably. He was released from prison in 1996.
After 9-11 the US INS was busy arresting and deporting anyone they could get a hold of who was not a citizen and who had been convicted of a crime. Slick Rick met this profile exactly. INS arrested him in Florida and put him back in prison where they tried to deport him to England. His wife, children, and parents are all US citizens, but Rick had never gotten his citizenship. After getting support from fans and celebrities such as Russell Simmons and Will Smith, Slick Rick was released from jail after spending 17 months waiting for a verdict.
Here is a good story regarding his arrest and release from INS.

Just recently Slick Rick and Doug E. Fresh have been performing together at various concerts. It’s good to see them back together. Slick Rick is planning a new album at this time.