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The life of a porn addicted housewife.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

The Anointed Handkerchief 

Last night I was watching an “In Living Color” marathon on BET. It ended at 4am and a televangelist came on with a type of infomercial. I was getting ready to go to bed, so I left it on the televangelist for a couple of minutes just to see what he was up to. I was flabbergasted at what he was doing!
The televangelist was Kerney Thomas and it was the first time I had ever seen him. He seemed reasonable enough. He wasn’t shouting like most of them do, which annoys the heck out of me. I don’t care what you are trying to say to me or what you are trying to sell me, if you yell at me I will hit the mute button in a split second.
I figured this Thomas guy was going to beg for money as the others do, but instead he was trying to get you to send for his free gift.
He was sending out “anointed handkerchiefs” of all things! All you had to do was call or write and give them your full name and address. They would then send you one of the anointed handkerchiefs, which you were to keep with you for 2 days and then return it to him. He then prays over the handkerchief and places it in his “anointed hope chest.”
Well the very first thing I thought was; now I KNOW that now that you have people’s addresses you are going to later write and ask for money.
Then I noticed that the “handkerchiefs” he was holding were actually red paper napkins! The least they could have done was spring for some cheap cloth.
Now we came to the part of the show with the testimonials. This was where the real fun began.
Lady number one told of how she was 3 months behind in her rent, but after sending for the cloth she was able to catch her rent back up.
Lady number two’s story was different. She had a son who was always in trouble and spent a lot of time in jail. She sent for the handkerchief and within just a short time her son got out of jail and went to a trade school and got a degree. Now he is a “prosperous member of society.”
Lady number three’s story was the REAL kicker. She said that she had suffered from back pain for many years and that she had breast cancer. After receiving her handkerchief her backaches went away almost immediately and her cancer disappeared.
Now come on!
I can understand that some people need religion. I can also understand that some people fall for a lot or different religious schemes and scams. But seriously, WHO in their right minds is ever going to believe that a red paper napkin is going to cure cancer???
Are there really people running around that are that easily swayed by a good voice?
Are there really people that are so gullible that they think just by sending in their name they will be cured of all of the ills?
If there are, then I am really not wanting to meet them!
Televangelists - Modern day snake oil salesamen who live in mansions. You just HAVE to admire them

Oh, and by the way, “In Living Color” was a much better show than post Bill Murray, Dan Akroyd, and Jim Belushi “Saturday Night Live” ever has been.

Friday, January 27, 2006

When Will The Rollercoaster Stop? 

As you can see, I have been at a terrible loss for words lately.
I used to update every day, now it’s every 2-3 days at best.
I try to think of interesting things to write about, but nothing has been going on that would interest anyone in the slightest. If it bores me, then you guys would probably fall into a coma reading it.

I’ve been trying to save money and the best way to do that is to be trapped at the house. When I get bored I tend to go shopping, so unless I have to get groceries I make sure Ap0k takes the truck with him every day. It’s too chilly outside, plus I am too lazy, to walk anywhere so basically I am housebound.

I guess I could tell you about doing the laundry or mopping the floors. I could tell you about what I am fixing for dinner. I could even tell you about cleaning up cat puke.
Nah, somehow that just doesn’t cut it does it?

Ap0k did take me out to dinner the other night so that I could get out of the house. We went to a little bar-b-q place that was fantastic. By the time we left Ap0k wanted to hire the waitress to come work for him as a salesperson. I have never had a waitress sell the food so hard and so well. She just kept convincing us that we needed to order more and ore things. Everything was completely homemade and completely delicious. I thought I was going to have to be rolled to the truck when we left.

I have been trying to decide if making things to sell on eBay, such as jewelry, jewelry boxes, purses, etc. is worth the time? I see that people buy that kind of thing left and right, and for some of them they pay ridiculous prices. I know how to make stuff like that with my eyes closed. Should I give it a try or would I be wasting my time? I spoke to a guy friend and he thought it was a great idea. He suggested I market them towards men as “one-of-a-kind” gifts for their wives or girlfriends. I wonder if it would work? I wouldn’t charge an arm and a leg, maybe only a finger and a toe. I will have to give this some more thought.

ACK! The electric man just walked in front of the sliding glass doors. Scared the crap out of me!!!!

Wednesday, January 25, 2006


Those of you who know me know that I am an insomniac. If I sleet for four hours in a row I consider it a good night’s sleep.
Well this morning I woke up at 11am, after sleeping for nine hours straight. NINE HOURS!
My back hurt, my head felt like a concrete block, and I was sweating like mad.
I guess 4 hours isn’t so bad after all.

The members of Saving Face have decided if there is ever a movie about the forum, Jenna Jameson will play me. How cool is that? I loves me some Jenna!

People I am officially sick of:

*Lindsay Lohan – Teen du jour of the moment. Seems she is being put in every movie that needs a teen actress. Why on earth is she in a movie about JFK? Why is she in a movie about the Lennon killing (in a made up part!) Ugh.
*Jennifer Aniston – Go away please! I have never found her to be the least bit entertaining. Her movies are drivel. And please, I can’t be the only one who wished that Rachael and Ross would get hit by a bus. Now I hear they are making some Friends “specials”? *GAG*
*Reese Witherspoon – Yeah, she’s cute, but that doesn’t make her Oscar caliber.
*Jessica Simpson – I hope Nick takes her to the cleaners!
*Bai Ling – Put some damn clothes on! I’m all for nudity, but really, is Sundance the place for it?
*Kate Moss – Dear, you have a little kid. It’s time to grow up.
*Tom Cruise – But who isn’t? At least he makes for interesting gossip.
*Madonna Haters, Pam Anderson Haters, Jenna Jameson Haters – Admit it, you’re just jealous! LOL! That’s pretty funny really considering I just hated on everyone above.

Why have I become so addicted to ice? It seems that I always have a glass of crushed ice around me somewhere. At least it helps me smoke and eat less I guess. The ice maker scares the crap out of the cats which of course I find horribly amusing.

I must have these or I will die a horrible death:

Unfortunately, Ap0k HATES hooker shoes and boots so it looks like I won’t be getting them anytime soon. Oh well, a girl can dream can’t she?

I think that this is quite possibly one of the coolest tattoos ever!

Well darn, I wrote this 2 hours go and forgot to post it.
Can you tell that I can’t keep a train of thought going today?

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Bettie Page - An American Icon *NSFW* 

Bettie Page was born in 1923 in Nashville, Tennessee as the second of six children. She excelled in school, becoming Secretary Treasurer of the Student Council, co-editor of the student newspaper, and was even voted “Most Likely To Succeed.” Little did anyone know at the time, she would become the most famous pin-up and fetish model of all time.
After graduating college with a Bachelor of Arts degree, Bettie began modeling fur coats, and traveled the US and Haiti. She divorced her husband in 1947, and in 1950 she met the man who would help shape her career.
Police officer Jerry Tibbs met Bettie on a beach, and being an avid photographer, took many snapshots of Bettie. He helped her put together a portfolio and introduced her to other photographers.
The rest, as they say, is history.
Bettie began posing for camera clubs and modeling for magazines. In 1955 she was named both “Miss Pinup Girl Of The World” and “Girl With The Perfect Body.”
Bettie Page also studied theater which led her to do numerous stage roles as well as many TV appearances including being a guest on The Jackie Gleason Show.
Bettie retired from modeling in 1957, at the top of her career. She married her second husband in 1958 and completely disappeared from the public life.
During the 80’s and 90’s Bettie’s fame resurged as a modeling icon. Even today you can see her influence in both modeling and fashion.
Bettie Page IS a true American Legend.

Below you will find a small sampling of some of Bettie’s photographs. Click on each picture to enlarge…..

Several of Bettie’s photo shoots were filmed. Below you will find two links where you can download two of these films. The first features Bettie being “kidnapped” and trussed up. In the second film, Bettie “escapes. Both videos are in Quicktime format.


The Escape!

I hope everyone enjoys both the photos and the movies.

Bettie Page – A True American Icon

Friday, January 20, 2006

A Few Changes 

I gave up on most of the images and just deleted them from my template. The only two I kept were the mail button and the background image. Those two are on a pretty stable server (imageshack) so there SHOULD be little problem with them. Of course they will be down or slow from time to time, but as a whole this should work for now.

I have also removed the music player for now. I will replace it within the next few days when I do a music post.

If you look over to the left you will see that I have added some links to "My Favorite Blogs" and "Sexy Things". I also added a new category called "Favorite Sites." Hopefully you will find something that interests you.

On a completely different note; Cincinnati has no sushi! Oh, I'm sure it's out there somewhere, but the places are few and far between at best. Ap0k and I are both fiends for sushi so this was causing gastronomical strife in our lives. I am happy to say that Jungle Jims, which has to be one of if not THE biggest groceries stores in the world, just opened a sushi bar! I hauled my butt down there today and bought them out. Dinner was fan-friggin-tastic! I was even able to find green tea ice cream which is the perfect ending to any sushi meal. Our tummies are happy at last!

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Dead Again 

Yes, my images are all dead again. This time the host completely deleted them
I am thinking an all white naked page sounds good!


I Am An Addict 

Hi, my name is AGFH and I am an American Idol addict.
I love everything about it. I think the bad auditions are hysterically funny. The pissed off people make me laugh right out loud even though I am by myself. The worse they, the more I love them. What I don’t understand are the truly awful people who throw massive swearing fits after they are rejected. What are they trying to prove? There was a girl on tonight who must have used every swear word known to man.
What amazes me are the family members who support these awful “singers”. Do they honestly believe they have talent? Are they tone deaf or just overly supportive?
I realize though that at this point some people who know fully well they suck come on just to try to get on TV. Pitiful!
I have a question; has anyone in a costume EVER made it though to Hollywood?

No matter how this year ends up, no one will ever top Fantasia. That girl kicks ass!
Though, the two sets of twins tonight show a lot of potential.

Boy, did they ever murder Lady Marmalade tonight; I think my ears are bleeding!!!!!!

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Flea Markets Have Changed! 

Flea markets have changed dramatically over the years.

When I was younger, going to the flea market was like going on a treasure hunt. Booth after booth of diamonds in the rough. While the majority of the stuff was crap, there was always some things hidden away just waiting to be found.
You could go into a booth and furnish your entire kitchen for $10. The booth would have piles and piles of dishes. All you had to do was search around a bit and you could find a complete set. Pans were a dime a dozen. Of course these were used items, but if you took even just a couple minutes you could find some nice things. Today there are new, yet junky quality, kitchen items and they cost a fortune. Why would I want an entire set of dishes covered with badly painted strawberries? And who, please tell me who, buys John Deere dishes?????
Then there were the used book booths. These were ALWAYS my favorites. Racks and racks, stacks and stacks, boxes and boxes, full of books. I could spend hours hunting through them looking for my favorites. You could get sacks of books from all the way back to the 30’s and it cost you very little. Yes I know that times and prices have changed, but in today’s book booths, if you can find them, all they carry are books no older than a year old and even though they are usually torn up, they only want a dollar less than new book store prices. I’d rather pay the extra buck and get a new clean copy.
Today’s flea markets are nothing more than “new cheap tacky crap” malls. Badly made, badly painted knick-knacks that no one with even the slightest amount of taste would want in their house. Cheaply made jewelry. Old outdated computer parts that they want ridiculous prices for. Booth after booth of incense and oils that smell horrible. Booth after booth of “Only $1” crap. Booths full of the tackiest clothes ever made.

Yes, as you can tell, we went to the flea market on Saturday. I will admit that there were a couple booths I could have spent a fortune in. One was filled with cartoon/movie paraphernalia. Statues, figurines, paintings, and drawings of everything from Lon Chaney to Mighty Mouse. If I had disposable cash I would have a room full of that stuff.
The other booth had some beautiful wooden ships. Ap0k saw them and made a beeline for the booth. Some of the ships are stunningly beautiful. They also had some planes that he really liked.
I can’t think of anything else we would have bought.

The MAIN thing that frustrates me about flea markets are the other shoppers. They seem to go into a zone where they are the only people in the place. These people stop on a dime for what appears to be no reason and block everyone else from going anywhere. If they see something they want to look at they will run right into like you aren’t even there.
And don’t even get me started on the people with strollers!!! I have decided that when I become president, my first official decree will be that all parents must pass a stroller obstacle course and get a stroller driver’s license. If you can’t pass the stroller driving test, you must carry your baby. I am sick of getting ran into and blocked by people who can’t drive a stroller! Not to mention the people who walk away from them leaving the baby all alone!

We actually had a good time though. We get a giggle out of watching stupid people buying stupid useless crap. Plus it was a nice, clean, large place so it was a good walk.

We went to Wal-Mart twice today. The first time was to the Super Wal-Mart to get groceries. This Wal-Mart is nice and clean, and the people who go there are nicely dressed and pretty well mannered. Later tonight we needed a cable end (somehow the cats ripped our cable line right out of the wall) so we went down to the “regular” Wal-Mart which is only a few miles from the Super one. The regular Wal-Mart is dirtier, and the people who shop there seem to be, for the most part, made up of a much lower class bunch of people. Now how can two stores that are owned by the same company, and are only a few miles apart, be so different? Makes no sense to me. The products in the stores are the same, and the prices are identical. Odd. I saw something at the regular Wal-Mart that really bothered me. We went into the electronics section and there were two little boys there messing with the video games. That alone is fine; the problem was that their parents were nowhere to be seen. These little boys were about 5 years old and in a store that big they were basically alone. Anyone could have snatched them up and took off with them! What are these parents thinking?

I am thinking that maybe I will drag Ap0k to the Brass Armadillo tomorrow. It’s a cool antiques mall. I’ve been once and had to restrain myself from buying a zillion dollars with of stuff I have no use for at all.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Dreaming Of Crime 

What do you dream about?
I told you the other day about some odd dreams of mine. Lately my dreams have been getting odder and weirder by the night.
A recurring theme in my dreams lately has been television shows. I am not in the shows; I am watching the shows on TV. The problem is that the episodes I am seeing are not real. My mind is completely making up entire episodes. The shows are always the same two, either CSI: Miami or Law and Order SVU. In my dreams, the storylines make complete sense, yet when I wake up I realize they were pretty ridiculous.

*Though if anyone saw last nights CSI Las Vegas, let me just say that they aren’t as odd as that was! Adult babies made primetime TV. Who would have ever thought THAT would happen???? Those giant diapers freaked me out. I give mad props to the guy who played that part. When the girl was changing him and came at him with the enema, I almost hid under the couch!*

Mine are ridiculous in the sense that the scientific information is wrong. The storylines themselves are ok; it’s just that my logic is totally flawed.

A lot of my dreams have a crime theme running through them. Someone has stolen something and I have to figure out who did it, or someone has gone missing and I have to find them. Sometimes I am accused of a crime of some sorts and I have to prove myself innocent.

I have decided that I must be reading too many detective novels and am watching too many crime dramas on television. When they start affecting my dreams I figure that I must be on crime overload.
Will I give either of them up? Of course not! They are my favorites. Detective novels are my passion and crime dramas are the only shows on TV that can hold my attention.

I wonder what it’s like to not remember your dreams? Ap0k very rarely remembers his. I know he’s dreaming because I hear him mumbling in his sleep all of the time. Sometimes my dreams are so vivid that when I wake up I am more tired than when I went to bed. I feel like I need a nap from the night’s adventures.

Maybe I should start drinking an energy drink just before bed? That might help me through the dreams! They are starting to wear me down.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

No, I Didn't Fall Off The Face Of The Earth 

So, where have I been?
The grey weather has me hiding in my house again. I have got to figure out a way to get over this dreary weather phobia. I am getting nothing done, and I haven’t breathed “outside air” in days.
We’ve been dealing with some issues with the Tampa house. It’s hard when you are so far away. Thank goodness my family came through for us (again!) I hope they realize how much we appreciate what they’ve had to do. I can’t wait until we sell that stupid house. I am sick of worrying about it. Hopefully my sister will be able to buy it from us soon. That would be the ideal thing.
I’ve gotten a lot of reading done lately. Nothing deep or intellectual of course, that would be boring. More mysteries which is my preferred subject matter. Right now I am reading “The New Adventures of Sherlock Holmes.” It’s a compilation of stories written by current authors. Nothing special, but it does pass an enjoyable hour here and there.
Still trying to get my bearings around here. I am slowly learning my way around. I suck at remembering street names, but if someone guides me by landmark I can do pretty well on my own. I haven’t gotten lost once, so I guess that’s a point in my favor.
My schedule is still a bit hit and miss. It’s 2:15am right now, but I am not tired in the slightest. Ap0k doesn’t mind because I do go to bed with him at night for a couple hours, and since I am awake in the morning he has a much better chance of a good breakfast. My cats on the other hand do not see the humor in it at all. They spend all night trying to get me to come to bed. Right now Tiggy is sitting here staring at me like I’ve lost my mind.

And to end on a happy note:

Friday, January 06, 2006

My Screwed Schedule 

I am getting really sick of having a backwards schedule.
I sleep during the day and am awake all night. There is nothing to do in the middle of the night! I want to go shopping, but of course every store I want to go to is closed. I want to chat, but everyone is asleep. I can’t play my music, or vacuum, or do the laundry because Ap0k is sleeping and those things are too loud. I can’t go outside because it’s dark and cold out there.
So I sit here, night after night, chatting with people on IRC and feeling my butt getting flatter and flatter.
Of course, about the time the sun comes up I am tired and I sleep all day.
I try resetting myself, but all that happens is that I stay awake longer instead of falling asleep. I have stared at the ceiling in the dark for hours on end, but that doesn’t help. It seems I need it to be light out in order to sleep.
How annoying!

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

I Swear I Am Not On Drugs! 

Last night I had two of the weirdest dreams ever! And when I say weird, I mean WEIRD.

The first dream took place in a bar. For some reason, me and some other people I do not know were trying to “clean up” this bar. We threw out all of the undesirable people, we threw trash out of the door, and we caused general mayhem.
When the bar was clean we made sure a new bartender was hired. Now, for some outlandish reason we hired Paul Rudd (yes, Paul Rudd the actor) as the new bartender.
We got the bar set up as a nice place and everyone said it was time to move on to the next bar. Evidentially we were on a mission to clean up bars throughout the city.
I decided that I liked this bar so I declined to continue on with the mission. The new people in the bar were so happy with what we had accomplished that they gave me my own personal booth. No one was allowed to sit at this booth but me. I was lonely in the booth all by myself so I invited someone to sit with me. Who did I invite? Alan Alda!
Every night Alan Alda and I would sit in the booth together. He would drink beer and I would drink Dr Pepper and eat limes. Paul Rudd the bartender would keep bringing me new orange straws with each drink. Each night Alan Alda would either tell me stories about Korea or about being an actor.
How odd is that?

I woke up totally confused. I never go to bars and I never eat limes or use orange straws. Strange! I spent two hours messing around with my computer before I could fall back to sleep.

The next dream was even odder.
My whole family was playing in a park that had numerous caves all over the place. Some were big and some were small, but all were used as buildings of some type. Some were bathrooms, some were locker rooms, some were offices, etc. Each cave had a separate use, but you were allowed to go into any of them at any time.
My little sister, my daughter, and I were running around through each cave checking everything out. We were in the locker room cave when the ground started to shake and the walls started to crumble. My little sister and my daughter were able to get out of the cave entrance, but I was trapped inside when rocks covered the way out. I could hear people screaming my name but they couldn’t hear me yelling back. I was trying to find another way out when I heard something growling. I turned a corner and there was a rock monster dog sitting there. A rock monster dog????? Amazingly I was scared of it at all, in fact I thought it was cute. It walked up to me and knocked me over, then scooped me up on its back. The rock dog took me through a bunch of tunnels throughout the caves, going in and out of different rooms. Sometimes I could see outside and I could see that people were looking for me, but no matter how loud I screamed they couldn’t hear me.
Eventually the rock dog brought me to an open doorway and booted me off of his back. Everyone looked up and saw me standing there and started yelling my name. I ran down and told them about the rock dog, but when we went back up to the door he was gone. Everyone said I must have been bonked on the head and imagined it, but I KNEW he was real.

I woke up at 6am and I couldn't understand why no one would believe that the rock monster dog was real. Ap0k came in the room and when I told him about the dreams I had had he looked at me like I had lost my marbles.

I think he’s right.

Monday, January 02, 2006


Well what a pain!
As you can see, my image host is over the limit. I am checking into getting a paid account because I am seriously tired of having my images die on me every month.
Hopefully it will be sorted out later today.

"In The Garden Of Eve" 

Some people assume that pornography films came about in the 50’s and 60’s. In reality, pornography has been filmed since the invention of the movie camera.
I thought you might like to see this movie. I have no idea what the original title was. When I found it, it was titled “In The Garden Of Eve”, but I can find no information on that title. If anyone knows the real title, please let me know.
If any of you have an interest in this type of movie, let me know and I will get you more.

Here is a preview of the movie:

And here is the actual movie itself:


It is encoded with the DivX codec (http://www.divxmovies.com/codec/) If you have trouble playing the movie, simply install the codec and it will play.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Happy New Year! 

Well, another year is here.
Do you have any resolutions?

My Resolutions:

*Stop Smoking (I make this one every year. Why can’t I follow through with it?)
*Eat healthier. (Less fast food for me!)
*Be perkier. (Sounds silly, but I want to be less crabby all the time.)

While these may not seem like much as far as resolutions go, they mean a lot to me.

Here’s a treat for you.
A set of 1950’s risqué playing cards.
You can get them here: