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The life of a porn addicted housewife.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Mash and Grab 

Most of you know by now that I am a big fan of remixes and mash-ups. Since there has been a large influx of new visitors from SkaFunkRastaPunk’s new forum I thought I would put up a list of good places to find quality stuff to download.

My favorite by far isTeam9. Their mixes are outstanding. Instead of going for the shock value of opposite songs, they actually work more towards finding songs that actually do go together.
Team9 has several songs available for download, and while all of them are great you should pay particular attention to the following:
*Eleanor’s In My Head – A mash of the Beatles’ “Eleanor Rigby” and Queens of the Stone Age’s “In My Head”. Fabulously done. I’ve put this one on my daily playlist.
*Greenday Massacre – Greenday’s “When September Ends” and the Eagles’ “Lyin’ Eyes”. Now it may sound odd, it is amazing.
*Undone Soldier – Duran Duran’s “Come Undone” and Destiny’s Child’s “Soldier”. I admit that I was a bit afraid to listen to this one because I am a HUGE Duran Duran fan (so sue me!) and I was afraid they would have screwed up the song. I was pleasantly surprised! These two songs work very well together.

Next you should check out Party Ben. This guy has definitely got his act together. There are several songs available for download on the site. There are tons more floating around in space.
Songs to check out:
*Boulevard Of Broken Dreams – Greenday’s “Boulevard of Broken Dreams”, Oasis’ “Wonderwall”, Travis’ “Writing To Reach You”, Eminem’s “Sing For The Moment”, and Aerosmith’s “Dream On”. Now of course it takes talent to put two songs together, but when you start putting FIVE songs together, and the result is outstanding, you know real talent is involved. This is one of my favorite songs period.
*Tipsy Butterfly – Crazytown’s “Butterfly”, The Steve Miller Band’s “Fly Like an Eagle”, and J-Kwon’s “Tipsy”. Again, very well done. An odd mix of songs that work perfectly together.
*Never Feel Good – Gorillaz’s “Feel Good Inc.” and Cake’s “Never There”. This is one of those mash-ups that sound like an original song. That’s a true sign of quality in my opinion.

LenLow tends to go at his mash-ups with more of a sense of humor. I mean come on, who thinks to even try to put Beck and Janice Joplin together?
Songs to give a listen to:
*Mercedes Beck – Janice Joplin’s “Mercedes Benz” and Beck’s “Go It Alone”. Who would have thought this would work?
*To The Taxmobile! – Theme from the Batman TV series, The Beatles’ “Taxman”, Surfaris’ “Wipeout”, and Interpol’s “PDA”. Hey, it’s good for a giggle!

I only recently came across Mark Vidler. I wanted to dislike him on the spot because of the groups/singers he put together, but I acted like an adult and gave him a try. I would have missed a real treasure if I had passed him by.
Playlist worthy songs:
*Backstab Me One More Time – The O’Jay’s “Backstabber” and Britney Spears’ “Hit Me Baby One More Time”. I know, I know, I thought the SAME thing. Sacrilege!!! But I will say that as unbelievable as it sounds, these two songs do work well together.
*I Dream Of Pussy – Khia’s “My Neck, My Back” and the theme to I Dream Of Genie. Another one that makes no sense on paper, but sounds good to the ears.
*Ain’t No Sunshine In My Closet – Eminem’s “Cleanin’ Out My Closet” and Grover Washington’s version of “Ain’t No Sunshine”. I was surprised at how well these two go together.
*Beastie Ketchup – Beastie Boy’s and Las Ketchup? Las Ketchup???? Well I will be damned, this is cool!

Here are some artists that I can’t find websites for right off the top of my google. If you hunt around through the various forums dedicated to mash-ups you will find these guys with no problems…
*Aggro1 – Very prolific and very talented, yet doesn’t seem to have a site? Look for the songs “Johnny Cash vs Ashanti” (astounding to say the least), “Kelly Clarkson vs The Eagles” (sounds like an original not a mash), “Korn vs Kansas” (who would have thought that Dust In The Wind and Falling Away From Me would ever go together?), and…. Actually just get any of his stuff and you won’t be disappointed.
*Cheekyboy – Another one who knows what he’s doing. Make sure to find “Switchin’ Alive”.

I have many more artists who do mash-ups, so if you would like any more links or info just shoot me a message.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Vintage Nudes *NSFW* 

Most of you know that I am not a fan of the current trend in photoshopping and/or digitally altering nude photographs. What I am a fan of is photographs of real women with all of their natural beauty intact. Unfortunately it is becoming more and more difficult by the day to find photographs like that.

Here is a selection of vintage pictures. None of the women are “perfect” in the sense that they have no flaws, but each one of them in perfect in their own natural way.

Click the picture for a larger view:

Monday, August 29, 2005

Thank Goodness It Didn't Turn Right 

I am sitting here watching Anderson Cooper from CNN getting pelted and blown around by Hurricane Katrina.
I have been following the track of this storm of course, because if it had hung a right it would have come here. That’s what’s bothering me. One of these days we will get hit with a big storm and we will not be prepared.
Every time there is a hurricane our local news stations go completely nuts. Every storm seems to have at least one track that brings it right to the Tampa Bay area. During the days prior to the storm we are always inundated by news reports saying we are going to get blown away.
In the end the storms always seem to turn away from us, some at the last minute. What scares me about this is that with all of the “cry wolf” reporting, if we were ever to actually get a direct hit from a hurricane no one would believe it until it was way too late to do anything about it.
Each year we are told that we are in a direct path, and each year we have perfect weather. In fact the more they swear we are going to get hit, the more perfect our weather ends up being.
I am dreading the day that we do get hit. I know that after all of this time hardly anyone will evacuate.
Watching footage from Gulf Port now. This is horribly scary when I stop to think just how close to the water I actually live. I live just a couple of miles “as the crow flies” from the Port Of Tampa.
My heart goes out to all of the people that are being affected by this hurricane. Thankfully the winds slowed a little bit before it hit land, but it is still causing, and will continue to cause, a huge amount of damage. I know that my house would not withstand 150+ mile per hour winds. The walls might withstand it, but the roof and carport would definitely be gone. I can’t even begin to imagine what losing my house like that would be like.
I see that they are using the Superdome as an evacuation shelter. They allowed people to bring in whatever they could carry. If you were in that situation, what would you bring with you? What items in your home would you take with you? I would be carrying both laptops and I would fill a gym bag with my speakers my camera, and my family pictures. Ap0k would have to carry my PC and my subwoofer. Blankets, clothes, and pillows would be the last thing on my mind. What would break my heart would be having to leave my books behind. I have spent my entire life collecting them, and to lose them like that would crush me. Ap0k’s tools would be fine. All he would have to do it lock the big toolboxes. They are way too heavy to blow away. We would just have to make sure we made it back here after the storm to get them before someone else did.

My thoughts are with all of you who are in the storms path. Please be safe.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Listenin' To The Radio 

There’s not a lot I can say about Adam Sandler that most of you don’t already know.
He was born on September 9th, 1966 in Brooklyn, NY.
He started his stand-up career at the age of 17.
He graduated from NYU with a Bachelor of Fine Arts Degree in 1991.
During his freshman year in college he had a recurring role on The Cosby Show as one of Theo’s friends.
He was “discovered” by Dennis Miller who then recommended him to Lorne Michaels who heads the whole Saturday Night Live shebang.
He was a feature player on SNL from 1991-1995.
He has appeared or starred in 25 movies to date. He has one movie in post production and another filming which will bring the total to 27.
Blah Blah Blah…….

Most everyone also knows that Adam Sandler has released several albums. While the majority of the pieces on these albums basically suck balls, there are a few real gems thrown in too.

The song I chose for today is called “Listenin’ To The Radio” and was on the album What’s Your Name?. This is, in my opinion, his best album to date. It contains the songs “Lonesome Kicker”, “Listenin’ To The Radio”, “Red Hooded Sweatshirt”, and “Bad Boyfriend.” While each of these songs does contain a comedic element, they are truly legitimate songs.
“Listenin” To The Radio” is a song about all of the girls you hear about in songs on the radio. It’s very well put together.


Where's my Peggy Sue?
I could use a Rosalita
If there's a Long Tall Sally out there
I'm dyin' to meet her
Why can't I hear Beth callin' me?
Why can't I be the one to make Sara smile?
I wish I was arm in arm with Jean genie
Walkin' down the aisle
Oh yeah, all right
But I got no Mary Jane
There's no Sloopy or Dancin' Queen
I'm just a fool in the rain
Waitin' on my Billie Jean
I want an Angie, a Mandy, a Candy-O
A devil in a dress of blue
A Rosanna, Diana, a sweet Caroline
I'd even take a Run-Around Sue
Oh yeah, all right
Well, I never got to scream for a Layla
I never saw Mary-Anne walkin' away
I never danced on the sand with a Rio
Or woke up with a Maggie May
Dialed 867-5309
But there was no Jenny Jenny
Oh, why can't I get myself a brown-eyed girl
When Willie Nelson loved so many?
And why does Jack have Diane?
And why does Billy Joe have Bobbie Sue?
And everybody had Roxanne
Except you-know-who
I want an Angie, a Mandy, a Candy-O
A devil in a dress of blue
A Rosanna, Diana, a sweet Caroline
I'd even take a Run-Around Sue
Well I'd take any ol' Suzy Q
I got no reason to be picky
She can be a Goody-Goody-Two-Shoes
Or she can be my Darling Nikki
Oh, Brandy would be such a fine girl
And so would the sweet Judy Blue
I guess I sound just like that other fella
'Cause you know I wish I had Jessie's girl too
Oh yeah, all right
Well, I'd die for a kiss from Allison
Even though I know she'd break my heart
Or give me a Lo-lo-lo-lola
Minus the extra part
I want an Angie, a Mandy, a Candy-O
A devil in a dress of blue
A Rosanna, Diana, a sweet Caroline
I'd even take a Run-Around Sue
You know I'd even take a Run-Around Sue
Well, I'd even take a Run-Around Sue
Oh yeah, all right

Some other songs from Adam Sandler that are worth giving a listen to are:
Crazy Love
Lunchlady Land
Ode To My Car
Sweet Beatrice
Dip Doodle
Pickin’ Daisies
What The Hell Happened To Me
Steve Polychronopolous

Personally I would skip all of the Excited Southerner and High School Beating skits. They are pretty much crap.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Fetishes Gone Bad 

I've talked before about the various sexual fetishes that people have.
Sometimetimes those fetishes go bad!

*In July in Exeter, England, Paul Pennington pleaded guilty to engaging in sexual activity in a public restroom, while incidentally dressed in a baby diaper, bib and girl's dress and carrying a baby bottle (but also wearing a stuffed bra).
News Of The Weird

*Sean Kelly, 35, was arrested in Sebastian, Fla., in July, and charged with fraudulently attempting to obtain health-care services after he showed up at a clinic complaining of back pain but dressed in a baby diaper (which he eventually "loaded," demanding a change).
News Of The Weird

*Underwear obsessed William Jack has been warned he faces prison unless he stops "stalking" women and secretly taking photographs up their skirts.
His apparent fetish with women's underwear led him to point a camera up a woman's skirt and photograph her while she shopped in Grimsby's Freshney Place, the town's crown court heard. Police later recovered 263 indecent images - 80 per cent of them taken up women's skirts.
More Here

*A woman was found partially-undressed with a man in an airliner lavatory at 30,000 feet, a court heard.
Amber Staines admitted assaulting a stewardess who had been called to the bathroom to investigate what was happening.
The 29-year-old single mother from Leeds was also seen kissing and cuddling and becoming "intimate" under a blanket with the male passenger in their seats.
Staines had been on a late-night flight from Tenerife to Manchester when the incident happened in February.
More Here

*A Zimbabwean woman was electrocuted and her lover burnt on his hands while having sex in an electricity substation in Bulawayo, the New Ziana news agency reported Friday.
The woman, "believed to be a prostitute, was electrocuted while being intimate with her boyfriend", the news agency said, quoting a witness.
Owen Phiri said he heard a loud bang coming from the substation at around 07:30 and "rushed to investigate".
Screams were heard inside the substation and when Phiri opened a door, he discovered the badly burnt woman, still alive, with her partner.
She died shortly afterwards.
More Here

*A 26-year-old Culpeper County man was arrested Sunday and accused of following a 52-year-old woman and leaving a pornographic photograph in her car door handle.
Clinton Scott Butler of 13249 Browning Road was charged with distribution of obscene material, according to Culpeper police officer Tim Sisk. Butler faces a second count of the same charge from a similar Aug. 1 incident, the officer said.
More Here

*Western Cape police are investigating an allegation of sex with a corpse at Salt River Mortuary, and the amputation and theft of a foot from another body.
And a reliable mortuary source said the sexual assault on a young male was "just the tip of the iceberg" and "several more young male corpses have been violated".
Two "crime against a body" cases linked to the state mortuary have been opened at Woodstock police station.
The alarm was raised after police staff at the Durham Road mortuary found that the body of a young suicide victim had been sodomised last month.
More Here

*A German builder admitted stealing hundreds of pairs of ladies' knickers because he likes to wear them for work.
Police arrested the 23-year-old for stealing pants from neighbours' washing lines after he was trapped by one of his victims.
Ingrid Volkmann, 53, had her hubby install a motion sensor under the washing line to catch the thief.
After he was arrested, the man reportedly told police: "I like wearing women's knickers to work but was too embarrassed to buy any myself, which is why I took my neighbours."
From Here

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Step Away From The 80's! 

What year is this? 2005? Darn, I was hoping it was 1985!

I am horribly stuck in the 80’s and am trying desperately to release myself from their evil clutches.

The way I dress, the way I wear my hair, even the music I listen to is all based in the 80’s.

I wear jeans and t-shirts, but most of them are retro models from the mid-80’s from Old Navy. My favorite shirt is a nice purple t-shirt with the cover of Prince’s Purple Rain album on it.
I haven’t had a haircut in at least 15 years if not longer. I usually wear it in a ponytail held back by big brightly colored scrunchies. At least I moved the ponytail off the side of my head to the back!

I was even a slave to the same pair of glasses for the last 18 years. 18 years ago the style of glasses were totally different than today. Mine were big and round and had the arms that came out of the bottoms and bent upwards. And yes I wore these glasses every waking minute of every single day for the past 18 years. Talk about being dated!

I finally broke down yesterday and went and had an eye exam and bought two new pairs of glasses.

I went to VisionWorks in the Brandon Towncenter. Let me first say that I would recommend this particular office to anyone. It was like being in the comedic school of eye exam. I have never seen so many happy goofy people in one place of business before. Everyone was cracking jokes with the other employees and the customers. They made you feel like they wanted you to be there. In these days of grumpy grouchy service people who act like they are doing you a favor by letting you come into their store I have to say it was a refreshing change to be treated well.

The first lady I saw gave me the test that blows a ball of air into your eye. She was hysterical. She had me rolling when she was telling me how scared she always is when she has to have that test done herself. She said that she is always worried that it will blow too hard and blow her eyeballs out. Then she couldn’t get my chair to lift up. She fussed around for a good 3 minutes with the switches and whirling me around trying to get it to do something. Finally my little sister had to point out to her that the chair was unplugged.

Next I saw the doctor who looks like a total hippy throwback. She was amazingly nice. In fact she didn’t even yell at me for not having an eye exam in over 10 years. We went through all of the tests and come to find out; my prescription has not changed at all in 18 years! How odd is that? She gave me the drops to dilate my eyes and sent me out to pick out frames.

The poor girl who had to help me with the frames was a jewel. She asked if I had any idea what shape or style I wanted and I had to tell her “Look at the glasses I am wearing now. Do you really think I have any fashion sense at all?” This sent her into a fit of laughter which was totally understandable. I told her that she was the professional so it was up to her not to make me look silly. In the end we picked out two pairs with nice small rectangular frames. I admit that I was a bit iffy about them because they were so small, but both the salesgirl and my little sister swore up and down to me that I did not look ridiculous. By then the drops had set in and I couldn’t see worth a darn anyway so I just had to take their word for it.

So here I am today, feeling like my face is naked. Ap0k loves them (thank goodness) and swears I look good in them, but I am still in shock at the difference. I have spent 18 years with giant glasses covering up so much of my face and now I feel so odd. The weight is different by miles. These are amazingly lighter. I am not used to seeing so much of my face and I am not sure I am really happy about that. I’m sure I will get used to it soon, but now…..ehhhhh.

Now, if I could only figure out what to do about my hair. I don’t want to cut it off. In fact I won’t cut much, if any, length off at all. It’s waist length now and it took me too long to get it this long to go chopping it off! I have thought about getting it permed, but there again that is so 80’s and I don’t want that. I know I need to do something with it, because now it just kind of hangs there looking boring.

I will worry about changing my clothing style after I lose some more weight. I know Clinton and Stacy say you should dress for now, not for the future, but I don’t have the money to be buying new clothes now and then again later. I am determined to lose weight and have made some progress already (8 pounds.)

Not to worry, I will make it to 2005 by 2010 at the latest!

(I won’t change the music I listen to though!)

Monday, August 22, 2005

I Remember 

*I remember when you taught yourself to rebuild an engine. We didn’t have enough money to take it to get repaired so you took it apart piece by piece and handed them to me. I cleaned each piece and laid it on a sheet making sure to keep them in perfect order. Then you replaced the bad parts and put everything back together in reverse order. You have no idea how proud I was of you.

*I remember when we only had enough money to put gas in the car. You would drive me around aimlessly all night. Up and down Clearwater Beach, all over Tampa. If I fell asleep you would drive until I woke up because you said you didn’t want to disturb me. Even though we never went anywhere in particular, I had so much fun.

*I remember the time I gave you a blowjob on the way to Orlando. You were driving so fast and it was so scary, but I remember every minute of it like it was yesterday.

*I remember the first thing you ever bought me. We had only been going out for a couple of days and we were at the mall. You bought me the cutest little stuffed mountain goat. What was even more awesome is that you bought my little sister an adorable stuffed rattlesnake that really rattled. We both still have them 20 years later.

*I remember the time we had sex right in the middle of my parent’s back yard. At first I was worried that my neighbors would see up, but after awhile I didn’t care anymore. By the time we were finished I couldn’t even walk and you had to help me into the house. That was the night I became addicted to you. You became my obsession.

*I remember the time you took me to the XXX theater. I was so embarrassed! I had never done anything like that before. Years later you took me to the XXX video store. I got used to going there after awhile. Now I am an administrator and poster on a major porn forum. Look what you did, you created a monster!

Sunday, August 21, 2005


I just have to say that quickie bend-overs kick major ass!

Friday, August 19, 2005

Yes, Even Adults Need Their Toys *NSFW* 

I was messing around yesterday and happened across a site that sells sex toys. While looking around I found some, which to me, are just too silly or odd to be taken seriously. Now I know that there are people who buy these toys. If there weren’t then they wouldn’t be selling them.

Click the links for the actual description and order pages (they are NOT referral links, just the pages I found them on.) Click the pictures for a larger view of each item.

First we have Mighty Joe Dong.

He looks reasonable enough right? Sure, until you realize he is 15’ long and 4” across!
What girl (or guy) needs a dildo this big? And if you ever got used to using one this big, what use would a normal sized guy be? They would fall in!

Here we have the Fat Man Dong.

Again he looks reasonable enough. He’s only 8 ½” long, but he’s 5 ½” across at his widest point. Personally I don’t want to try and cram anything that wide up there.

This bad boy is called the 29” Giant Double Cock Dong.

I totally understand the purpose of a double headed dildo. But 29 inches?? I guess this one is for people who want it deep in both places. Either that or it’s for two people who don’t want to touch either other. Either way 14 ½’ per spot or person is pretty long!

Now I will admit that I found this one, called the Bender Dong, to be quite interesting.

He’s only 10” x 1 ¾” which is a totally manageable size. Plus you can bend him into any position to get to those awkward spots that pop up now and then. So far this is the only one I would ever attempt to use.

Remember those big bouncy balls we had when we were kids? You would sit on them and hold the handle while you bounced your little heart out. Well here is the adult version of the bouncy ball! It’s called the E-Z Rider Ball.

As you can see from the picture, they have removed the handle and replaced it with a dildo. While this seems like a fun idea at first, I can see accident written all over it. Bounce bounce bounce, tip over, BANG!, hit your head on the coffee table. Ouch! I’m not sure I am athletic enough for this one.

I have seen movies where girls have used this toy. It’s the Pussy Pump.

I have a couple of things to say about this one. First off, it works in the same way a penis pump works. I for one do not understand what pleasure you could get out of using this. But that’s just my opinion. Second, having seen the movies, I can honestly say that seeing this in use is pretty yucky. It gets all swollen and deformed, not a pretty site! But hey, who am I to judge right? What doesn’t work for me may work for you.

This next one is for those hardcore people who find themselves with a night alone. If you are into fisting then the The Fist should be right up your alley (so to speak.)

14” of lovely arm all ending up in a balled up fist. Now I am open minded, you know that, but this looks kind of gory to me. Looks like something you would find at a morgue.

Now this one looks interesting! It’s a Spinning Sex Swing and comes with a stand that will hold 400 pounds.

I can see where this one would a lot of fun. You’d have to be careful of all the blood rushing to your head, but in the end that might actually be a good thing. I’m actually surprised that it doesn’t cost more.

Guys, are you tired of women but still want their best bits? Then this is for you! This “sex doll”, called the Pierced Be-atch Masturbater, did away with anything unnecessary.

As you can see, all it is is a pair of boobs and a pussy. Am I the only one who finds this freaky looking? She has nice piercings though. I would like to see this one being used. I am not sure how a guy is supposed to use both at once without tipping over or hurting himself.

Say you are a guy and you want to have sex with a pig, but you live in the middle of the city. What are you to do? You get yourself a Blow Up Pig that’s what!

Now I know that this is more of a joke or novelty type toy, but you just know that some guy, somewhere, has used this. What a thought! This is another one I would like to see in action. I would die laughing.

I found this next toy listed under the anal section. I guess what bothers me most about the Electro Sex Simulation Anal Dildo is the fact that it is electric.

Sure it looks harmless enough. But just think what would happen if you were plugged in and there was a power surge, or what if you got a short in it!?! If you didn’t die from electrocution, how would you explain your injuries to your doctor? How embarrassing! I know, I know, the chances of electrocution are minimal at best, but still, the thought scares me. Though I guess being able to plug it into the wall would save you a lot of money on batteries.

Now we come to something that made me laugh right out loud when I saw it. Has your significant other been bad? Do they need punished? Well now you can punish them AND get your house dusted all at the same time using the Feather Duster.

This is the silliest thing! I am not into BDSM at all so this one just escapes me. Yes, I realize it is a form of domination and submission, but all it would do is throw me into a fit of the giggles. I can see where someone else would like it, but it’s just not for me.

Ok, now we have stepped off into the bizarre. The duster above is for when your partner has been bad and needs punished, but what on earth must they have done wrong to warrant being punished with the Toilet Brush????

Ewwww……just ewwwww!!!!!!

There are actually several different attachments that you can get for that head harness/gag. There is also a coat hook, a serving tray, a dish brush, and a floor brush. You have to admit though that that the toilet brush outdoes them all.

As you can see there are sex toys for everyone. They come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. What one person loves, another will detest. What one person finds satisfying, another will find too funny for words. Some are “normal” and some are “odd”, some are even “creepy”, but it’s all in good fun.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Idiots, They Are Closer Than You Think 

I should be allowed to either scream at, or slap upside the head, any person that I feel is a complete pain in the ass.
Whether it is the brain dead cashier at the 7-11, the person who cuts me completely off in traffic, the neighbors who yell at each other on a daily basis, or even the “better than you” woman with the screaming kid at the bookstore. All of these people need a good whack in the head.

Let’s start with my neighbors. I have two sets of screamers within ear distance of my carport. A few months ago the crabby lady who lived next door to us finally kicked the bucket. When we first moved in about 12 years ago she took an immediate dislike to us. I didn’t take it personally because she hated everyone. She was mean and nasty and though I feel bad that she died, I really don’t miss her. About a month or so ago an older couple moved in to her house. These people yell at each other constantly. I think that one or both of them may be hard of hearing, but that doesn’t excuse the nasty way they shout. The lady calls her husband an idiot (at top volume) quite often. Today she was working in the yard and he came out to tell her that her doctor had called and she needed to call him back. Seems like a reasonable topic of conversation now doesn’t it? Noooo!!!!! She ended up screaming at him that he was an idiot for not getting the details from the doctor on the phone. He tried (loudly) to explain that it was a message on the answering machine and he never actually spoke to the doctor, but that pissed her off even worse. She told him he was lazy and good for nothing because he didn’t answer the phone. Then HE started yelling that she needed to get her ass in the house and call the doctor because he had other things he needed to do. Then she threw a handful of dirt at him and stomped off. Now keep in mind that all of this went on while I was standing less than 5 feet from them on the other side of the fence. They paid me no mind at all while they were yelling at each other; in fact I doubt they even remembered I was standing there even though I had JUST been talking to her when he came outside. I can’t even begin to imagine Ap0k and I talking to each other like that! My heart would snap right in two if she screamed at me.
Now we move on to screaming family number two. These people live catty-corner to us on the corner. Not only do they scream at each other, but all of their friends seem to be screamers too. I have never seen people argue so much in my life. Granted alcohol is usually involved in these shouting matches. Actually I don’t mind these people near as bad because their episodes tend to be amusing. One night there was a guy over there shouting to the world that he is gay and he was born that way and no one can make him change. Or the guy who likes to talk (LOUDLY) about the fact that he was in the British Military and that he can kill a man without you seeing him move. Granted this guy got his ass beat by someone much smaller than him just recently. The daughter and one of her multitudes of boyfriends always end up in screaming matches with the dad. Sometimes it gets so bad that the dad calls the police and has her arrested. The funny part of that is that about 2 hours later he’s the one that goes and bails her out.
All of my other neighbors are extremely quiet. You don’t even know they are there most of the time. Sometimes on the weekends one guy plays Latin music pretty loudly while he works outside, but that doesn’t annoy me in the slightest.

Another thing that I find to be a complete pain in the ass is people who allow their children to scream bloody murder in public.
When I was at Barnes&Noble the other day there was one of those stuck up “I am better than you” type women there. She was pushing a stroller with two kids in it. One was about 3 and the younger one was about 2. The younger kid was in a foul mood for some reason and was reaching out and snatching books off the shelves and then throwing them on the floor. You would have expected the mom to pick them up wouldn’t you? Nope, she just kicked them to the side and moved on. The kid kept getting worse and worse until he started screaming like someone was jabbing him with a fork. Did the mom do anything? Nope, she just ignored him. Once in awhile she would go “hush” while not even looking at him. Everyone in the store was getting angry. The kid got louder and louder and then started throwing himself around in the stroller. I was honestly afraid he was going to hurt himself. It got so bad that they actually turned the music up in the store to try and drown him out. The poor older child was looking at the younger one like he had lost his mind. How can you allow your children to act that way? My daughter was with me and as you know she is pregnant. I used this as a perfect opportunity to let her know that this was NOT proper child rearing in the slightest. I told her if she ever allowed anything like that to go on I would personally kick her butt!
There was another lady (note that I call this one a lady) who had a little girl with her, and the girl was getting fussy. The lady stopped what she was doing immediately, looked at the girl and said “What’s that smell?” The little girl stopped fussing and looked at her mom in surprise. The little girl said “what is it?” and her mom said “I smell cookies!”
Well that was the end of that little girl’s troubles. Her mom told her that if she was good they would get a cookie on the way out. She was a perfect angel the rest of the time they were in the store. Now THAT is how you handle a fussy child in public.
People like the first woman totally amaze me. How can you tolerate that behavior in a child? Wasn’t she embarrassed? I would have died if my daughter had ever acted like that in public. Even if you aren’t embarrassed, how can you listen to it? I have no tolerance for screaming children.

These are just a few of the people that I think need a good smack upside the head. Use the sense you were born with. It’s not hard to act like a normal human being. Stop and think about how the people around you are seeing you. Do you really want people to think you are an idiot?

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

What Entertains You? 

What entertains you?
Movies? Music? Television? Books? Sports?

I am an avid reader (as you’ve seen from one of my many piles.) I go through spells where I read a book every couple of days. Then again it might take me a couple weeks or more to finish one. Regardless of the speed I am reading at, I always have at least one or two books going at a time.
Yesterday was my quarterly Barnes& Noble run. Every time Ap0k gets his bonus I head straight for book heaven.
Yesterday’s trip was fun. My daughter followed me around the store reading me entries out of the 2006 Guinness Book of World Records. While a tad annoying at times, some of the stuff she read me was pretty interesting.
I ended up getting the following:

*Midnight In the Garden of Good and Evil by John Berendt. This is one of those books that I have been meaning to read since the day it came out. For some reason I always had a brain fart and could never remember it. The only reason I remembered this time was because I happened to actually see it sitting on a shelf.
*The Getaway Man by Andrew Vachss. Ogri initially pointed me in the direction of this author and after reading just one of his books I fell completely in love with him. He is a complete old school throwback. You would swear that you were reading a pulp novel from the 50’s.
*Breakout by Richard Stark. Stark is the pseudonym of Donald E. Westlake. He uses the name Richard Stark when he wants to push his stories over the edge a bit. Either as Stark or Westlake, you will never be disappointed.
*American Tabloid by John Ellroy. This novel is based on the tabloid scandals of the 60’s that everyone was (and still is) fascinated with. This is the first time I am reading this author so I am looking foreword to it.
*Books 2, *3, *4, *5, and *6 from the *The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency series by Alexander McCall Smith. I read the first book in the series on the plane ride to and from Chicago. I wasn’t sure if I would like it or not because it seemed to have such an odd plot. The stories revolve around Precious Ramotswe. She owns the only detective agency in the small town of Gaborone, Botswana. She solves lifes’little everyday problems for people such as tracking wayward husbands and catching thieving employees. I was pleasantly surprised at the quality of the writing. Top notch.
*Scary Monsters and Super Freaks by Mike Sager. This is a collection of journalist Mike Sager’s work spanning the 20 years he wrote for Rolling Stone and GQ. Some of the figures he writes about include John Holmes, Easy E., Rick James, Rodney King, and many others. This one looks like it is going to be a great read!
*The Mammoth Book of New Sherlock Holmes Adventures edited by Mike Ashley and written by some of today’s top detective/mystery writers. This one will be good for when my attention span is not that great.
*Murderers’ Row edited by Otto Penzler and again written by some of today’s top detective/mystery writers. This collection of stories all revolve around a baseball theme. I am happy to see the Troy Soos has a story in this collection as his baseball mysteries are among my favorite books period.

As you can see I went all out and now I have enough to last me for a while. Getting me out of Barnes & Noble is a task. It usually involves bribing me with food. I am such a book whore!

I got totally sidetracked on the entertainment thing didn’t I? Back to that now:

Movies are entertaining I guess. My attention span isn’t long enough to watch most movies. It has to really catch my attention before I can sit through a whole film. The ones that do suck me in usually involve the mob or a war. I can’t stand “chick flicks” at all. Yuck! Give me a good mafia beating though and I am hooked. Once in a blue moon a comedy will interest me, but not often. I guess I find sitting and staring at a TV or movie screen for 2 hours to be just too boring. I have to be able to get up and wander around.
It also doesn’t help that so many of today’s movies are nothing more than retreads of old TV shows and movies that were crap the first time around. I am also not thrilled with a lot of the new “stars” like Lindsey Lohan and Jessica Simpson. Even established stars like Tom Cruise aren’t worth wasting my time on anymore. Johnny Depp on the other hand, I could watch him wash dishes.

I definitely find music entertaining. I pretty much like all forms of music to at least some extent. There are even a few country songs that I actually like. For the most part I listen to 70’s Funk, Disco, 80’s Pop, and newer Dance/Club music. Unlike some people, I am not looking for any deep meaning in song lyrics. No artist has ever “changed my life” with their music (well except for Prince, but he is THE Artist!), and no song has ever made me change my political views in the slightest. When I listen to music I want it to move me physically not mentally. When I want something political or deep, I will read a book or a newspaper.

Television tends to bore the pants off of me almost as bad as movies do. While everyone else was glorifying “Friends” as being the best thing since sliced bread, we watched the Discovery Channel or TLC. Yes, I will admit that my guilty TV pleasure is American Idol, but we are all allowed to have our one crap program. Normally we only watch things like Overhaulin’ (Chip Foose is AMAZING!), Miami Ink, Rides, What Not To Wear, Property Ladder, etc. While I wouldn’t say they were the most exciting shows on the planet, they are at least mildly interesting. I do like some shows like House MD, CSI: Miami, and Grey’s Anatomy. The story lines of those shows, while totally unbelievable (which is a good thing!), are much better than the vast array of sitcoms and reality crap shows. I do like 2 ½ Men. The humor of that show is more subtle than most sitcoms. I hate sitcoms that are in your face and demand that you laugh even if it isn’t funny.

I like to watch sports. Football is cool, though it is getting to be so full of prima-donnas that I am starting to get annoyed with it. Baseball is great because you can have it on in the background and you almost never have to look at it. I think baseball commentators make pretty much the best background noise around. I prefer to watch more obscure sports like the Strong Man competitions. Those guys kick some major ass! There is nothing sexier to me than a guy who can carry a refrigerator on his back while he’s running a race. Seriously! I like to watch pool (billiards) when I come across it too. But right now my absolute favorite sport is Ultimate Fighting Championship. These guys put boxing to shame! If I ever have to walk down a dark alley at night, the UFC guys are the ones I want to go with me!

I guess I would have to say that what I find most entertaining is my trusty old computer. I can read, write, listen to music, download any number of things, play games, chat with my friends, etc etc. When most people talk about their entertainment system, they mean their TV, stereo, and DVD player. My entertainment system is my computer. It has everything I could ever want (including TV if I would hook the cable back up to it.)

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Senze Update 

Senze Magazine has updated with issue #4. This one is bigger than ever with 110 pages.

I seriously want the couch on page #7, but at that price it is WAY out of my league. I will chalk it up on the fantasy stuff list.
The dress on page #38 is to die for, as is the motor outfit on page #57.
Make sure to check out the photoshoots, they are stunning.

All in all a great update!

Monday, August 15, 2005

Because I Was Bored 

I was horribly bored this morning so I took some pictures of various things around my house.

This is one of my most prized possessions. Ernie Banks (Mr. Cub) signed this ball. No one is allowed to touch it! It sits on my desk right above my head so that I can see it all of the time.

This is my gargoyle pig. He guards our living room. He sits right under the front window and makes sure no one comes though it.

This painting is called “The Dance.” It was painted by my daughter as a gift for Ap0k. As soon as I get the walls painted I will hang it up in a prominent place. I think it is gorgeous!

My daughter made this wall hanging for me in art class when she was in high school. It’s about 5”x5” in size. I absolutely love both the design and the colors.

This little guy is only about 2” tall. He is one of the cutest things I have ever seen!

When I told you I had stacks of books everywhere I wasn't lying. These are in my bedroom.

Finally, this is Mr. Toad. He lives on my porch.

Well those pictures were exciting weren’t they? WOO-HOO! Now that you are as bored as I am so I don’t feel so alone.

I guess I will spend the rest of the day doing typical housewifey type stuff. I need to mop all of the floors, scrub the bathtub, do laundry, and go get groceries.
Could my life BE any more of a thrill? LOL! Just kidding, I don’t mind at all.
I do think that I will convert and post a movie today. Making the preview pictures will be a good way to spend some time.