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The life of a porn addicted housewife.

Monday, July 31, 2006

The Jolly Green Giant Used to Live In My House! 

The house I am living in now was built some time in the 1960’s. At some point the Jolly Green Giant, or at least one of his siblings, must have lived here.
The shower head in the master bathroom is about 8 feet off the ground. No matter what setting I put it on, the water has spread so far out by the time it gets down to me that I have to run in circles to get wet. It has to be hysterical to watch me try to wash my hair because all I can get is the front part of the water cone. If I step back I am literally in the middle of the cone and I get no water on my head at all.
My dad is 6’6” tall, he would love it.

Lazlo has a new shower head and I am jealous!!!!! It sounds like a dream come true.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Kool Moe Dee goes to work

Simply one of the best ever!
M.C. Shy-D -

This is the shit!!!!!
Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock - It takes two

Here's my special shout out to Ap0k!
Whodini - Big Mouth

NOW we're talkin!!!!!!!!!!
Mary Jane Girls - In My House

Am I the only one who would have bet money that the girl in blue was really a guy?
Gerry Rafferty - Baker Street

Why do I love this song so much?

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Time To Move On 

I have been sick the last 24 hours. In fact I thought I was dying! But no, I guess I will be continuing on.

I woke up this morning to find the co-admin of the new forum had taken it upon herself to shut the forum down. What kind of crap is that?
It just goes to show that unless I am working with Trader it's best just to do things on my own.

So, to all of you who took the time to register at that forum, I apologize. I am considering opening a new one, but I need to wait until I feel a bit better and can concentrate for more than two minutes at a time.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

It's Not The Heat, It's The Lack Of Humidity 

People around here are all in a tizzy over the weather. Granted, it IS hot, but most of these people don’t realize how much worse it could be.
I am used to Tampa heat mixed with Tampa humidity. The Cincinnati heat to humidity ratio is completely different.
Take today for example; it is currently 94F with a heat index of 96. The humidity is sitting at 55%.
What I am used to is basically the same temperatures, but with humidity levels in the 95-100% range. At that point it’s like getting hit in the face with a hot wet towel every time you walk out of the door.
55% humidity is for lightweights!

I love the heat and the sun and I honestly do look forward to the hot days here.
The people who live across the street told me the other day that when they see me out mowing my grass they automatically know it’s too hot for them to go outside.

Yesterday it was 99F and I had to go to WalMart. I tossed on some jeans and a tank top, jumped in my truck, opened all the windows, and off I went happy as could be. Sitting at stoplights I realized I was the only one with my windows down. Everyone else was completely closed up in their cars with their air conditioners on. I try to go to WalMart during the day on weekdays because there are A LOT less people there. Because of this, the only other people shopping are stay-at-home moms and older people. The outfits I saw people wearing were absolutely hysterical to say the least. Some of these people, mostly women, had the least amount of clothes on that you could imagine. Little tiny tiny shorts and skirts, half shirts, bikini tops, etc. A few of them looked pretty good, some looked halfway decent, but trust me on this, the vast majority of them had no business leaving their houses dressed the way were. Yes, I understand it’s hot, but do these people really think we want to look at sweaty fat rolls? If you are running from your air conditioned car to a massively air conditioned building, it would not kill you to wear all of your clothes! At least show a little class and wear an entire shirt for goodness sake!

Everywhere I go lately all people want to do is bitch about how hot it is. The grocery store, the book store, the convenience store, everywhere it’s the same. These people wouldn’t last 5 minutes in Florida!

Saturday, July 15, 2006

This And That 

Ap0k Is A Pain In My Back!

My back is killing me. It hurts when I sit down, lie down, stand up, or bend over.
I blame it on Ap0k. It was fine earlier today, but ever since we had a bit of a romp it’s been all out of whack. When will he learn that I am just not physically capable of swinging from the chandelier?


Bashing Celebrities Children

I post on a couple different celebrity gossip forums. Most of the time it’s just good natured cattiness, but sometimes it gets out of hand.
I can’t see how people get such joy out of completely trashing someone that they don’t even know. Yes, it can be fun talking crap about the awful outfits and hairstyles some celebrities sport. Yes, sometimes it can a bit of a hoot making fun of an actress’ bad implants. What I don’t find amusing is when people call actresses whores or sluts. We don’t know these people so how can we judge their personal lives? All we know about them is what the tabloids print and we all know how unreliable they are. Just because an actress wears a revealing outfit it doesn’t automatically make her a whore.
What I find completely over the top is when people start bashing the child of a celebrity. What would cause a person to say that a child looks retarded? What joy do you get out of saying a child is ugly? These people like to defend themselves by saying it is actually a bash aimed at the celebrity and not the child, but somehow I really doubt the child would see it that way if they were to read some of the comments that are made about them. While an adult celebrity chose the lifestyle that requires them to be followed around by photographers 24 hours a day, the child did not. I think celebrity children should be off limits to the paparazzi. It has to be awful for these poor kids.
What sad little lives these people must live when they get enjoyment out of bashing a child.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Living Alone Would Be Fattening! 

Ap0k had to go to Atlanta yesterday, and tonight he is in Nashville.

Since he left yesterday I have eaten an entire Philly Steak pizza, a box of macaroni and cheese, a bag of Cool Ranch Dorritos, chocolate pudding, and two bowls of cereal. Now I hear the cherry Pop-Tarts calling my name.

He had better get home soon or I am going to be as big as a house!

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

How Do I Let It Go? 

This past Saturday the man who lived next door to me committed suicide. I won’t go into any of the details because that is a private matter to his family.

Ever since that day I have not been able to shake this odd feeling that I have.

Here I was, sitting in my living room, having a good time messing around on my computer like always, while 75 feet away a man was ending his life.

If I had known what he was doing could I have saved him?

What could possibly have been so bad in his life that he felt the need to die?

I just keep thinking that he was there dying while I was so close and yet I had no idea.

I did not know him at all, but that does not mean I wouldn’t have helped him. I would have done anything I could to stop him if I had only known.

It’s both sad and a bit creepy. Hopefully the feeling goes away soon because I do NOT like it.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

We Hit 100,000! 

We went over 100,000 hits on this site this morning!

Who would have thought this blog would last this long? A friend had a blog and he kept pestering me to start one too. I finally started this one to hush him up. I had no idea what it would turn into.

I want to thank all of you who take the time to visit, and a special thanks go to those who leave replies. I enjoy reading all of your replies very much and each and every one of them is appreciated.

Now.......on to 200,000!

Stacey Dash Isn't Clueless Anymore! *NSFW* 

Do any of you remember the movie “Clueless”?

How about the TV series “Clueless”?

Both the movie and the TV series were harmless fun at it’s best. Spoiled rich teenagers going to high school, never any violence, and never any real drama.

Stacey Dash played the character “Dionne” (Dee) in both the movie and the series. She played (and looked like) a 17 year old, but in reality she was in her late 20’s at the time. For some unknown reason Ap0k loved the show and STILL can’t pass it up if he comes across it while flipping channels. Well, I say “unknown reason”, but I know it’s because he has always had the hots for Stacey.

This is Stacey when she was on the show:

And here is Stacey today….from this months Playboy:

Maybe it’s just me, but I think she looks DAMN good for being 40 years old!!!

I want to put out a special thanks to JanCollector for the pictures!

Thursday, July 06, 2006

I Must Disagree With Anne 

Anne swears up and down that Friendly’s Butter Nut Crunch ice cream is the best.

Well I am sorry, but I just have to put a stop to this nonsense right now!

If you are really looking for the BEST ice cream in the universe then you only need to take one bite of Graeter’s Coconut Chip to know that you have found the pinnacle of ice cream goodness.

Butter Crunch? HA! That’s lightweight. Coconut Chip will kick it’s butt any day on any spoon!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Attack Of The Fugly Girls 

Lately I have become aware of an alarming trend in porn.
I know and completely understand that the people who watch porn like all different kinds of girls. Some like skinny blondes, some like chunky brunettes, some like fat girls, some like only Latin or Asian girls, and the list goes on.
What I want to know though is who on earth likes all these FUGLY girls they are featuring in porn movies lately?
I don’t mean girls who aren’t model gorgeous either; I am talking about the girls who look like they get beat with the fugly stick every day of their lives.
Of course there have always been fugly girls in porn, but they were usually in the background somewhere. Once in awhile a scene would feature a girl that just made you cringe.
Some of the movies coming out these days though feature some butt ugly girls in several if not all of the scenes. Pay sites are full of them too. These girls are not the typical “normal” girl who shouldn’t do porn. They are cracked out looking horrors. In fact, there is even a pay site that claims to feature crack whores, and after seeing some of the videos they offer I truly believe them. Who pays for access to sites like that?
The mass appeal of MILF movies hasn’t helped things either. There are some gorgeous MILFs in porn, but sadly the majority of them are terribly less than desirable.

Now I will be the first one to admit that I am not model quality by any means. No amount of make-up or soft lighting would help either. At least I am smart enough to keep my clothes on when there are cameras around.

I often wonder what some of these girls get paid. It can’t be much.

Yes, there are definetly some FUGLY guys in porn too! But we've gone over that already.

And don’t even get me started on the amount of BAD fake boobs in porn!

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Florida Truisms 

*It's not called a shopping cart, it's a buggy.
*"Down South" means Key West.
*You think no-one over 70 should be allowed to drive.
*Flip-flops are everyday wear.Shoes are for business meetings and church.No, wait, flip flops are good for church too, unless it's Easter orChristmas.
*Sweet tea can be served at any meal.
*An alligator once walked through your neighborhood.
*You smirk when a game show's "Grand Prize" is a trip or cruise to Florida.
*You measure distance in minutes.
*You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.
*You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.
*All the local festivals are named after a fruit.
*A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.
*You think everyone from a bigger city has a northern accent.
*You know the four seasons really are: almost summer, summer,not summer but really hot, and Christmas.
*It's not soda, cola, or pop...it's coke, regardless of brand or flavor, "What kinda coke you want?" *Anything under 95° is just warm.
*You've hosted a hurricane party.
*You go to a theme park for an afternoon, and know when to get on the best rides.
*You pass on the right and honk at the elderly.
*You understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches.
*You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee and Withlacoochee.
*You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat, than have a boat yourself.
*Bumperstickers on the pickup in front of you include: various fish, NRA, and a confederate flag.
*You were 12 when you first met someone who couldn't swim.
*"Fixinto" is one word, "I'm fixinto go to the store.
*"Breakfast might include grits, biscuits n' gravy, or country fried steak.
*You get angry when people say "Florida isn't really part of the SOUTH"
*You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas.
*You know what the "stingray shuffle" is, and why it's important!

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Less Than 2000 To Go! 

Less than 2000 hits and I will hit 100,000 main page views.
You guys rock!!
Thanks for putting up with all of my random gibberish.


The Tattooed Princess set up a MySpace page for me.
Check it out here: