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The life of a porn addicted housewife.

Monday, February 28, 2005

Sex And Donuts 

Why is it that everytime I have sex I must eat immediately afterward?
I think that I may be combining my two favorite things.

I met my husband when he was working in a small restaurant. I would go in every day and he would feed me chilidogs, mashed potatoes, and ice cream cones.
On our first date he took me out to eat.
Am I still equating him with food?

After 20 years you would think I would have gotten out of that habit, but no.
I will be the only person on earth who sex makes fat!!!

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Useful Programs 

Here are some programs that no self respecting computer should be without.

*AVG Anti-Virus = AVG is a great free anti-virus program available from Grisoft. I have used it for several years now with no troubles at all. It has a very user-friendly interface that even the most novice of users will be able to handle. AVG is very good on bringing you new virus updates as quickly as the crummy virus's come out. You can set the program to check for available updates on a daily basis.
To check this program out go HERE and click AVG Free on the left hand side.

*SpyBot Search & Destroy = If your computer seems to be getting slower and slower for no apparent reason, and you are getting more and more pop-ups, chances are you have accumulated some spyware.
What is spyware? Little bits of programming added to other programs that can track your internet usage, call up pop-up ads, change your homepage, and generally turn the speed of your computer into frozen molasses. Simple to install, set-up, and run.
Read more about it and download it HERE .

*Net Transport = Net Transport is without a doubt my favorite download manager. It cuts your download into up to 10 pieces making it MUCH faster. It can be integrated into Internet Explorer to watch for downloadable files, but I HIGHLY recommend against this! It's easiest to use the tiny drag and drop box that hides up in the corner of your desktop. This program is technically shareware, but works fully without paying for it.
You can find this program HERE , but keep in mind that the page tends to load slowly.

*WinAmp = This is something that most people probably already have, but no list is complete without it. WinAmp is a multi-format audio player that has a zillion plug-ins that do a gazillion different things.
Check out the free version HERE and don't forget to check outthe plug-ins!

*DVD Shrink = DVD Shrink is a great free dvd back-up utility. Unlike other dvd ripping programs, DVD Shrink is super simple to use. By simply checking or unchecking boxes, you can choose exactly which parts of the dvd you wish to copy. To use the burn feature of this program you need to have Nero installed. If you do not have Nero youcan still use DVD Shrink. You will just need to use another dvd burning software.
To see what all DVD Shrink can do go HERE .

*HDDlife = HDDlife is a hard drive health monitor. It is able to tell you (approximately of course)how much life your hard drive has left. It can also tell you the temperature. This is a great little utility!
RA67 is the source of THIS link.

*Belarc Advisor = The Belarc Advisor is an amazing little program. It tells you pretty much everything about your computers system that you could ever want to know. It tells you all the info on your hardware (hard drives, processor, memory, printers, etc.) and your software (Operating system, programs, etc).
I have found this to be invaluable at times. Belarc adds itself to your program file list so it is easily accessible. It opens in Internet Explorer and is very easy to read. I think you will like this one!
Click Free Download at the top of THIS page.

*Google Toolbar = How could anything from Google be bad? Normally I HATE toolbars(!!!) but I have to make an exception where this one is concerned. The best feature of this toolbar is the pop-up stopper. It has proven to be a great addition to my browser. I really like the little vote buttons! The options are easy to choose. This one is pretty much a no-brainer, and is not a resource hog at all.
Go HERE to download the toolbar.

This list is made up of programs that I have found to be useful. To my knowledge, none of the them contain any spyware.
As always, remember to virus scan ANY program before installing it!

If you need any help with any of these programs, please feel free to leave me a reply, or mail me by clicking the AGFH button on the left.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Porn 101 

Tonight we are going to talk about porn.

Edited to add information from anonymous

Edited again to add information from neenles

Several people have joined some of my forums from links I have posted here.
For those newbies we are going to discuss the various types of porn that
you can find and the abbreviations and their meanings.

The abbreviations in porn forums can sometimes be confusing. Here is a quick
list of what you may encounter:

*m/f = simple male-female
*mmf or ffm = this is either male-male-female, or female-female-male. The more M's or F's obviously mean more males or females in the movie.
*HJ = Simple handjob.
*BJ = Simple blowjob.
*DBJ = Double Blowjob. One girl giving two guys blowjobs at the same time. Or less typically "dueling" blowjobs where two girls each give a different guy a blowjob at the same time.
*DT = Deep Throat. (*gag*)
*DP = Double penetration. This involves a girl having both anal and vaginal sex with two men at the same time. It can also involve two penis's in the vagina or anus at the same time. (ouch!)
*TP = Triple penetration. See above. (triple ouch!) You will never see any of the main actresses do this.
*FemDom = Female Domination. Girls dominating guys. One of my favorites!
*GWG = Girls With Glasses. Duh! Girls with glasses on. Sometimes ends with a cumshot directly ON the glasses.
*GGG = German Goo Girls. German bukkake (see below.)
*BOB = Blacks on Blondes. Black guys and blonde white women. Not to be confused with "Bend Over Boys" girl on guy strap-ons. It pays to read the text of a post!
*GB = Gang Bang. This is where one or two girls has sex with multiple males at once. Typically six guys to one girl.
*A2M = Ass To Mouth. Pretty self explanitory.
*POV = Point Of View. This is when the camera angles make it appear as YOU are on the receiving end of everything. The girls look directly into the camera alot.
*Inter = Typically this means Interacial. Usually a black guy and white girl, less often a white guy and black girl.
*Bi-sex = Bisexual in nature. This almost always involves one girl and two guys. Keep in mind that the guys are involved with each other in this type! Homophobes stay away!
*TV/TS = Transvestite and Transexual.
*HC = Hardcore
*SC = Softcore, nothing down and dirty here!
*RP = Repost. This is a repost of a movie that was previously posted.
*HP = Hidden Pee. Voyuer cams of bathrooms.
BBW = BBW are movies feaaturing Big Beautiful Woman. Women who are not of the stick figure variety (like me!)

Now we will discuss the various TYPES of movies you can find:
(not for the faint of heart!)

*Anal = well this one speaks for it's self.
*Gaper = This is an anal movie were the girls anus is stretched open. Probably my least favorite of all types. Sometimes this can be disturbingly yucky.
*Creampie = This involves an internal cumshot. Then the girl stands or kneals and forces the cum out of her vagina for all to see.
*Snowball = This is when a girl takes a cumshot in her mouth and then lets it drip out into another girls (or guys) mouth.
*Teenies = These are girls who APPEAR to be underaged but are NOT. After the Traci Lords fiasco the adult film industry keeps strict records of all girls ages and are "supposedly" checked on a regular basis. This type of movie is generally preferred by older men (pervs!)
*Watersports = This type of movie involves people peeing on themselves, each other, or on things.Not for the faint hearted!
*Squirting = While some people say that some women can ejacualte, most people believe this is nothing but pee. Again, not for the faint hearted.
*Hentai/Manga = These are mistakingly called Anime by many people. Anime videos do not contain porn. Manga is more erotic and Hentai is just plain sex. All animated in the Japanese style.
*Gonzo = These are all-out sex scenes usually filmed on the fly. No story, just sex.
*Strap-On = Beware when downloading these! Make sure you read the text! This can involve a girl using a strap on dildo on either another girl, or on a guy.
*Shaving = These movies are just watching a girl shave. Her legs, her vagina, I've even seen one where a girl shaved her arms. This is definetly a "niche fetish."
*Ballooning = Another "niche fetish." Girls blowing up balloons. Rolling on balloons. Popping balloons. Hmmmmm????
*Wet-And-Messy = Not what you think! These are girls (and sometimes guys) who get covered in mud, food, shampoo, etc. Hardly any real, if any, sex is involved. Sometimes the food ones are pretty funny!
*Bukkake = This is one girl getting many facials from many guys at once. Very messy. Usually Asian woman, but sometimes other nationalities (see GGG above).
*Lactation = Lactating woman squirting milk on various people and/or things.
*Spanking = Pretty obvious what this is!
*Bondage = For those who like to be or like to see people get tied up.

*Fluffer = What's a Fluffer? Well, in between movie takes a guy has got to maintain his erection, right. Hence the services of a "Fluffer!"

This should give you a good start on your movie hunt.
I have intentionally left some categories out because they are icky to most people (and sometimes illegal.)
I am sure I have left out some basics too, but hey, it's 3 in the morning, what do you expect?

If you have any questions about anything I have written or anything I have left out, please feel free to contact me. I will answer you in the best way that can.

You can either leave me a message here, leave me an IM at any of my forums, or simple click the ^AGFH^ button over there on the left<<<< and mail me.
I will get back to you as soon as I see it.

Porn can be a great thing.....in moderation.
Have Fun!

Thursday, February 24, 2005

How Do I Know You Love Me? 

*Because you let me watch American Idol 3 times a week without complaining, even though you don't like it.
*Because you eat whatever I cook no matter how crappy it is. And you even make the yummy noises.
*Because you supported me 100% when I quit that crappy job.....twice.
*Because you never say I spend too much money, even when I go to WalMart at least every other day.
*Because I have 11 cats....enough said on that one.
*Because when I eat too much you just giggle at me.
*Because when I fall asleep in the car you drive around for hours rather than disturb me.
*Because when something on tv makes me cry you never make fun of me.
*Because even though I could stand to lose weight, you never tell or ask me to go on a diet.
*Because you will wake up in the middle of the night to fix my computer.
*Because you sleep by the wall.
*Because you stopped eating so much sugar.
*Because you'll rub my stomach even when you're tired.
*Because you never complain when I stay up late and sleep all day.
*Because you never get mad when I say no.
*Because I've never had to worry about where you are or what you're doing.
*Because you say you love my hair, even though it's purple.
*Because you hardly ever go blank when I ramble on for hours.

There are a million more reasons why I know you love me.
And I thank you every day for being here.
I would be lost without you.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Where's Al Gore When I Need Him? 

Here I sit......with no internet connection.
Well that's not entirely true. I can access IRC with no problems and my mail is working fine.
Browsing is a totally different story. IE is sputtering along at best. For the most part it just sits there doing nothing.
I waited 15 minutes for Roadrunners status page to load and all I got was this:

Road Runner is currently experiencing issues with Internet connectivity. Subscribers in the affected area(s) may experience trouble accessing the Internet or latency/slow connectivity.
Our engineers are working quickly to resolve this issue. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

Well poo! What am I supposed to do now? What did people do before Al Gore invented the internet?

I can't check my forums! All kinds of juicy gossip is going on at
Saving Face and I am missing it!
All kinds of movies are being posted at The Cutting-Room-Floor and at Kostas Forum and I can't download any of them.

I can't play my games at Yahoo Games or at POGO .

How can I catch up with everyone else's blogs?
Oh by the way...I got picked for this weeks Carnival Of Sin
for my Drag Queen post. I was chosen in the ENVY category. Thanks John Psmyth for picking me!

I downloaded Spongebob Squarepants The Movie. I would watch that, but I am already watching Rides on TLC. This is a rerun of the Jay Leno's 1966 Toronado episode.
Ap0k wants this car desperately!!! Actually his wallpaper is a picture of this car.

Hum Dee Doooooooo........what to do what to do????
Ap0k is asleep and my irc guys are not around at the moment. No one to talk to but this notepad.

I've already ran all of my spyware programs, gotten rid of all of my temp files, cleaned my registry, and organized all of my downloads.
I've even cleaned my desk which is a rare thing indeed!

Oh wait a minute.....

It's working again.......nevermind.

Monday, February 21, 2005

He's Not The Son Of Satan! 

Ap0k and I finally got to meet our daughters new boyfriend today, and he doesn't look or act like the son of Satan.
While this might sound odd, you'd have to have seen some of her other ones.
Goodness, how do these guys mothers allow them out of the house looking like they do?
Now I am not a fuddy duddy by any means. I'm all for dressing as an individual. What I am talking about is the guys who have long scraggly limp hair who look like they haven't washed in months.

This new guy seems sweet. He actually looks like a human being.......and he SPEAKS!
Daughters boyfriends who speak are a rare occurrence around here.
Most have been all sullen and sad acting. The "oh, woe is me" type.

I am quite happy about the turn events have taken!


Daughter also starts her new job with the SPCA on Wednesday. She will be working with animals that aren't adoptable yet. The job even comes with special "bite insurance". Scary stuff!


I am tickled to death with myself today. I went to the mall and to WalMart and saw all kinds of things I just knew I would die without. But in the end all I came home with was flea spray and the Dodgeball DVD.
Now tomorrow I get to strap down all of my cats and soak them down. Now won't that be fun!!!!
I'll be all bloody scratches before I'm half done.
Bloody cat scratches and flea spray........now there is a winning combination.


Here's a treat for people who like 80's music.
Streaming radio for various music player (winamp, media player, real player. etc)

Check it out here:

CLUB 977

Link courtesy of RA67

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Do Me A Favor Please 

Could you please take a minute and give me a review.

It will only take a second and then I will be able to see if I need to change things.

1. Go to This Page and hit the review button.

Thanks a bunch!

Hey Hey It's The Monkees! 

It's Sunday.....New Music Day!

Today I bring you "Valleri" by The Monkees.
This song was originally released in April of 1968.
Personally I think this song would make the greatest marching band routine ever.
I can see the whole thing in my head.
Man, am I warped or what?

The Monkees were a manufactured band. Put together to emulate the Beatles "A Hard Day's Night"
for television.
After 400 people auditioned Michael Nesmith, Micky Dolenz, Davy Jones, and Peter Tork were chosen.
The tv show was on from 1966-1968. Since I was born in 1965 I only remember the reruns!

Personally I think The Monkee's movies, such as "Head" were superior to The Beatles movies.
Please don't shoot me!

To read a well written biography of the Monkees go HERE .

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Back Away From The Food - You're Gonna Explode! 

As you know I am trying desperately to quit smoking. I'm actually doing pretty well, except for one thing.
I am eating like a pig.
Seems that every time I turn around I am shoving something else into my face.
It would be ok if it were fresh fruits and vegetables, but noooooo, it's macaroni and cheese and cereal.
I am so weak!

Speaking of eating, today is my daughters 19th and we took her to Maggiano's for lunch. The food there is FABULOUS.
The thing I like best about this restaurant is that you can eat "family style". They just keep bringing food. That waiters even encourage you to order extra portions of everything to take home.

We got our daughter tickets to the Green Day concert in April. She absolutely loves them, and it was a huge surprise because she didn't even realize they were going to be coming here.

After lunch we made our bi-annual trip to Old Navy. Both Ap0k and I are suckers for some Old Navy clothes.

It's Saturday night so it's Moving Up/Trading Spaces/Town Haul night.
Whew! I'm gonna need a snack after all of this excitement.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

I Want To Be A Drag Queen 

Watching a show on TRIO called "Ladies Please" .
It tells the stories of various performing drag queens. I think it takes a strong man to be a drag queen (one said it takes a man with big balls.)
Can you imagine how some people must react to them?
Most people assume that drag queens must all be gay, but a good portion of them are not.
Watching the stage performances of these girls is amazing. Some are so pretty, yet some are totally butt-ass ugly.
The stage shows look like ALOT of fun.
I've decided that since I am so in love with the make-up and I have purple hair anyway, I should be a female drag queen. But how do you be a female female impersonator anyway?
Kind of defeats the purpose I guess.


Speaking of drag queens/transvestites......have you ever listened to or seen any of Eddie Izzard's stuff?
He is a stand-up comedian who dresses in subtle drag. He calls himself an Executive Transvestite.
If you are looking for extremely intelligent humor then I highly recommend you check him out.
His comedy encompasses events from today back to ancient history.
He has several DVD's out so next time you are looking to rent something, grab one of his. You won't be sorry!


I went to a drag show one time. The girls were amazingly beautiful.
You would never have known they were actually guys if you hadn't heard their real voices. I was totally taken with them!

I guess somewhere inside of me there lurks a freak just yearning to get out!


Now TRIO is showing a program about Elvis impersonators.

I DO NOT want to be Elvis!

This Is Me - Like It Or Not 

Sometimes it's really difficult to think of things to write about.

I lead a very normal life.
I'm not an escort like Alexa. I'm not a young college girl like THL.
I'm not even a musical encyclopedia like London Lee.
I'm just your average 39 y/o woman.
My marriage is perfect. My daughter is a gem (though she does have crappy taste in boys!)
I don't drink or do drugs of any kind so I don't go out partying (Ap0k doesn't either.)
I am able to keep my shopping in check (though WalMart is my downfall.)

I doubt you want to hear about how I mopped all of the floors today, or that I did 6 loads of laundry for my daughter and little sister.
I doubt you want to hear how addicted I am to American Idol.
I really doubt you want to hear that I am sitting here watching a rerun of Drew Carey.

I wonder sometimes how people come up with so many witty entries to their blogs.
You would think that after all of the books I have read I would have picked up something.
How are some people able to sit down and have words just pour from their fingers, while others just sit here staring at the screen blankly?

So....in the future I will try to be at least mildly entertaining.....but I ain't promising anything!


Take a look at this site....it is amazing!!!!

Character Skeletons

Link suggested by Raquel


If I do not see this movie I will die a VERY slow and painful death!!!!

Watch Trailer Here

God I am such a geek!


Ap0k loves my hair.....but does not like it at all.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Well The Box SAID It Was Orangy-Red 

But in reality it's kinda purple!!!!
Pretty cool if I do say so myself.
Now......let's see what Ap0k has to say about it.

Ap0k Is Gonna Kill Me! 

Taking a cue from Melissa and I am dying my hair red.
Dye is already on my head so there's no turning back now!

It's actually not red.....it "pomegranate"...kinda orangy-red.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Happy Valentine's Day 

I made you all some Valentines treats.

First I made one for Ap0k, because I love him most

Next I made one for all of my friends at The Cutting Room Floor

Then I made a speacial one for Anonymous because he leaves me the most comments

And finally I made one for all of you. Since I don't know who you are, you all got lumped together on one piece!

If any of you are wondering what to get me for Valentine's Day..

If you would like to make some of your own candy hearts just go Here .
Link courtesy of The Hot Librarian .

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Males Will Be Males 

In articles in recent issues of Current Biology, researchers separately studying the dance fly and the rhesus macaque monkey concluded that males will be males. The male dance fly was found by a team from the University of Western Australia to sometimes present a female with worthless tokens for the opportunity to mate with her, but by the time she discovered their worth, he had already hit and run. A team from Duke University found that the male monkey will forgo his own rewards (juice) in exchange for being permitted to view pictures of female monkeys' bottoms.

Story courtesy of News Of The Weird , make sure to check the site out each Sunday.

Surfing At Warp Speed 

Ap0k rebuilt my computer again last night.
New motherboard, processor, and more RAM.
This was my Valentine's Day present. I can honestly say that I love having a husband that actually KNOWS what I want.
I am not a jewelry person, flowers die, and you can only eat so much candy, but your computer can NEVER be too fast!
Still not sure what I'm going to do for him tomorrow.
Any suggestions?

Saturday, February 12, 2005

A Salty Piece Of Land 

Just finished reading the book "A Salty Piece of Land" by Jimmy Buffet.

Let me start out by saying that while I do like some of his music, I am by no means a Parrothead.
If you think of songs such as "Margaritaville" and "Cheeseburger In Paradise" you will have a good idea of his novel writing style.

The "hero" of Jimmy Buffet's novels is Tully Mars, a Montana cowboy turned tropical adventurer. While it's best to start with the book "Tales From Margaritaville" , you will be able to pick up Tully's backstory in no time.

Jimmy Buffet is a master at character creation.
Cleopatra Highbourne (a 101 year old schooner captain in search of a bulls-eye lens.)
Ix-Nay (a Mayan Shaman and Tully's best friend.)
Mr Twain (Tully's horse who has traveled the tropics with him)
and a host of many others.
Pay particular attention to the story of Willie Singer's trip to Dalvalo. How Jimmy came up with the whole idea of the plane ritual is beyond me.

I would definitely recommend this book, along with all of his other books, to anyone looking for a fun read.

Friday, February 11, 2005

New Music 

Uploaded a new song for you today. Listen quick because you guys suck up the bandwidth amazingly fast!

Today's artists are Planet Patrol .
The song Play At Your Own Risk was originally released in 1983 on Planet Patrol's self titled album.
This was Planet Patrols only album, but it is still considered a classic in the breakdance/electro genre.
There is not alot of information floating around about this group.
If anyone has any information about them I would love to hear it!

Starting Over 

A new day.....time for a change.

This blog will be going in a different direction from now on.
Hopefully some of you will find it at least mildly interesting.
Added some new links on the left.
Will be updating the music tomorrow.

Is there anything you want to talk about?