A Girl From Home

I was messing around yesterday and happened across a site that sells sex toys. While looking around I found some, which to me, are just too silly or odd to be taken seriously. Now I know that there are people who buy these toys. If there weren’t then they wouldn’t be selling them.

Click the links for the actual description and order pages (they are NOT referral links, just the pages I found them on.) Click the pictures for a larger view of each item.

First we have Mighty Joe Dong.

He looks reasonable enough right? Sure, until you realize he is 15’ long and 4” across!
What girl (or guy) needs a dildo this big? And if you ever got used to using one this big, what use would a normal sized guy be? They would fall in!

Here we have the Fat Man Dong.

Again he looks reasonable enough. He’s only 8 ½” long, but he’s 5 ½” across at his widest point. Personally I don’t want to try and cram anything that wide up there.

This bad boy is called the 29” Giant Double Cock Dong.

I totally understand the purpose of a double headed dildo. But 29 inches?? I guess this one is for people who want it deep in both places. Either that or it’s for two people who don’t want to touch either other. Either way 14 ½’ per spot or person is pretty long!

Now I will admit that I found this one, called the Bender Dong, to be quite interesting.

He’s only 10” x 1 ¾” which is a totally manageable size. Plus you can bend him into any position to get to those awkward spots that pop up now and then. So far this is the only one I would ever attempt to use.

Remember those big bouncy balls we had when we were kids? You would sit on them and hold the handle while you bounced your little heart out. Well here is the adult version of the bouncy ball! It’s called the E-Z Rider Ball.

As you can see from the picture, they have removed the handle and replaced it with a dildo. While this seems like a fun idea at first, I can see accident written all over it. Bounce bounce bounce, tip over, BANG!, hit your head on the coffee table. Ouch! I’m not sure I am athletic enough for this one.

I have seen movies where girls have used this toy. It’s the Pussy Pump.

I have a couple of things to say about this one. First off, it works in the same way a penis pump works. I for one do not understand what pleasure you could get out of using this. But that’s just my opinion. Second, having seen the movies, I can honestly say that seeing this in use is pretty yucky. It gets all swollen and deformed, not a pretty site! But hey, who am I to judge right? What doesn’t work for me may work for you.

This next one is for those hardcore people who find themselves with a night alone. If you are into fisting then the The Fist should be right up your alley (so to speak.)

14” of lovely arm all ending up in a balled up fist. Now I am open minded, you know that, but this looks kind of gory to me. Looks like something you would find at a morgue.

Now this one looks interesting! It’s a Spinning Sex Swing and comes with a stand that will hold 400 pounds.

I can see where this one would a lot of fun. You’d have to be careful of all the blood rushing to your head, but in the end that might actually be a good thing. I’m actually surprised that it doesn’t cost more.

Guys, are you tired of women but still want their best bits? Then this is for you! This “sex doll”, called the Pierced Be-atch Masturbater, did away with anything unnecessary.

As you can see, all it is is a pair of boobs and a pussy. Am I the only one who finds this freaky looking? She has nice piercings though. I would like to see this one being used. I am not sure how a guy is supposed to use both at once without tipping over or hurting himself.

Say you are a guy and you want to have sex with a pig, but you live in the middle of the city. What are you to do? You get yourself a Blow Up Pig that’s what!

Now I know that this is more of a joke or novelty type toy, but you just know that some guy, somewhere, has used this. What a thought! This is another one I would like to see in action. I would die laughing.

I found this next toy listed under the anal section. I guess what bothers me most about the Electro Sex Simulation Anal Dildo is the fact that it is electric.

Sure it looks harmless enough. But just think what would happen if you were plugged in and there was a power surge, or what if you got a short in it!?! If you didn’t die from electrocution, how would you explain your injuries to your doctor? How embarrassing! I know, I know, the chances of electrocution are minimal at best, but still, the thought scares me. Though I guess being able to plug it into the wall would save you a lot of money on batteries.

Now we come to something that made me laugh right out loud when I saw it. Has your significant other been bad? Do they need punished? Well now you can punish them AND get your house dusted all at the same time using the Feather Duster.

This is the silliest thing! I am not into BDSM at all so this one just escapes me. Yes, I realize it is a form of domination and submission, but all it would do is throw me into a fit of the giggles. I can see where someone else would like it, but it’s just not for me.

Ok, now we have stepped off into the bizarre. The duster above is for when your partner has been bad and needs punished, but what on earth must they have done wrong to warrant being punished with the Toilet Brush????

Ewwww……just ewwwww!!!!!!

There are actually several different attachments that you can get for that head harness/gag. There is also a coat hook, a serving tray, a dish brush, and a floor brush. You have to admit though that that the toilet brush outdoes them all.

As you can see there are sex toys for everyone. They come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. What one person loves, another will detest. What one person finds satisfying, another will find too funny for words. Some are “normal” and some are “odd”, some are even “creepy”, but it’s all in good fun.