The life of a porn addicted housewife.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Take last night for example. I had the great idea that eating 5 taquitos and a Godiva truffle at 3:00AM would be a great idea. Yeah, right.
AMERICAN IDOL WANNABE:
Dream number one had me actually WINNING American Idol. Yes, I know I can not sing a note, but even in the dream that did not matter. Yes, I know that I am 40 years old and way over the age limit, but for some reason that worked in my favor.
I went to the auditions and Simon raved over the fact that I was older. He said that America is tired of all the cookie cutter young people. They also called my voice “unique.”
Jump to the voting episodes of the show. Amazingly each week I was getting more votes than anyone else by a landslide. All of the forums were raving about how new and different I was.
In the final show I was up against a Carrie Underwood type clone and we had to sing “Mountains” by Prince. The clone had never even heard the song and she butchered it up completely, but I was able to knock the song out perfectly. The audience gave me a standing ovation and on the next nights show I was named the newest Idol.
Now how silly is that?
Break to get out of bed to use the bathroom
Dream number two was not all light and happy; in fact it upset me really badly. It made absolutely no sense at all, yet made all the sense in the world at the time.
Ap0k had to drive to Indianapolis (which is true, he’s there now) and I told him to call me when he got there. He, of course, forgot (which is also true, he was supposed to call and hasn’t) so I was left wondering if he made it ok. Because it was (and is) a business event I was (and can’t) unable to call him to check.
After a few hours I became worried (which I’m not because he always forgets to call me) so I decided to go look for him. Two guys from my IRC chat, Napier and Nautley, decided they were going to come too because it was unsafe for me to go alone. Of course in real life neither one of them lives anywhere near me and the whole scenario is totally unfeasible. For some reason all three of us took our own trucks and traveled in a line down the interstate. Once we left Ohio and made it into Indiana the scenery changed dramatically, which is silly as both states actually look alike. The area became very mountainous and it was really really dark and stormy. About an hour into our drive we went over a big bridge. When you went over it you actually lost traction with the ground and fell about 50’ straight down. Luckily we all landed safely but somehow we had become hopelessly lost. We found a little town and went into a small restaurant. My little sister was there and for some never explained reason she was dressed as a story book princess. She had on the stereotypical princess dress and pointy hat and it was all in the prettiest shade of purple. Everyone else in the restaurant was dressed equally as odd and we couldn’t figure out why. In fact they looked at the three of us like WE were crazy. We sat down to eat and these odd people kept coming up to our table to sit with us. We were really getting freaked out because the people were all talking oddly about some really screwy things.
By now it was storming horribly outside, but we felt that we had to leave the place or something bad was going to happen. When we got out to the parking lot a police officer came up and started yelling at us that we had not left the waitress a tip. We tried to explain that we had, but he was getting angrier and angrier by the second until he took out his nightstick and started swinging it at all of us. I managed to get into my truck and got it started and the other two jumped in with me and we took off. The police officer jumped in his car and started following us down the road. It was so dark and stormy that I was having a really hard time seeing where I was going and somehow I drove right off the side of a mountain and we were falling falling falling……..
Then I woke up, but I was really still dreaming. I was back in my living room lying on the couch and Ap0k said “Thank goodness you are alright!” I tried to ask him what had happened, but then I actually DID wake up.
So, even though Ap0k really did forget to call me, I am NOT going to go looking for him!!! And I really need to stop eating crap before I go to bed!!!
I think I will just go to the bank and then go try to find my Mom a Mother’s Day present instead. Hopefully that will knock that last dream out of my head.