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The life of a porn addicted housewife.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

On Being A Grandma Who Can't Solve Problems 

Today I want to talk about two entirely unrelated topics. Excuse me if I seem a bit off because I slept for what seems like forever and did not wake up until just after 10:00am. That doesn’t seem so late until you stop and think about the fact that I went to bed at 12:30am. I took some melatonin before I went to bed and I think it put me into some form of a coma! OK, on to the topics at hand:

Topic #1
I found out a short while back that Ap0k and I are going to be grandparents. It has taken me this long to say anything about it because I was completely floored. Am I happy about it? I am still not sure.
Most of you know that I am not a kid person at all. Babies and little kids drive me up the wall. I know that because my daughter has no money I am going to end up as day care. If I had wanted to take care of another baby I would have had another one of my own (perish the thought!) Yes, I know the whole “you give them back at the end of the day” thing, but what about the rest of the time? I don’t handle children well at all. Some people were born nurturers and some weren’t. Unfortunately I fall into the “weren’t” category.
Another thing that is bothering me is that because my daughter has no money I can see that this is going to be just another financial drain on Ap0k. There again, if we had wanted to pay for another child, we would have had one (gag!)
I am only 39 years old. I am not old enough to be called Grandma yet! Ap0k says the age thing doesn’t bother him, but he’s a guy. Here I am pushing 40 HARD and now I am going to be a grandma too? When does the grey hair start popping out?
What’s funny to me about the whole thing is that she waited until she was far enough along that now she has to have it before she told me. She knows for a fact that I would have tried to convince her not to have it. Personally I don’t think she’s ready to be a mother yet. It would have been nice if she had saved up a bit of money first.
Before anyone yells at me, yes I know I had her at the same age, but you know what? I wasn’t ready! It was hard both mentally and monetarily. I would have to say that hard doesn’t even scratch the surface of what we went through. I was hoping that because she knew the whole story of when we had her she would be a bit smarter than I was. I guess I was wrong. Why do young girls always think it is going to be so easy? I thought it was all going to be peaches and cream. In reality it was a big pile of crap! I wouldn’t wish what Ap0k and I had to go through on anyone.
I know I sound harsh, but I am just being realistic. If she’s happy, then yes I am happy for her. I know this is not going to go how she plans though.

Topic #2
I am terribly worried about a friend of mine. He is acting very strangely. He seems to be getting more and more depressed on a daily basis. He is saying things that are scaring me. I spoke to another friend about it last night and he has noticed the same things that I have. We don’t know what to say to this guy because he has become so closed up.
He seems to be hiding something from us. We have our suspicions on what it could be, but coming right out and asking him if that is the problem would just end up freaking him out I am sure. If what we think it is is actually the truth then I hope he knows that our feelings towards him would not change in the slightest.
It would be easier for me if I lived anywhere near this person. He lives a zillion miles away though. I have known him for several years. When I first met him he was a happy guy. He was always joking with everyone, talked up a storm, and generally seemed in good spirits most of the time. About two years ago he started to become a bit withdrawn. Now he has gotten to the point that I am scared for him. Some of the things he says are very morose.
We used to talk on a daily basis, but now he is hardly ever around. Just yesterday I read something that he wrote and it disturbed me greatly.
How do you help someone who is so far away?
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